I’m Sorry For What My Anxiety Makes Me Do

the world is

Hello loves, ❤

I’m sorry for what my anxiety makes me do. And I want you to know that it’s not me, it’s my anxiety. It’s not me, it’s the chemical imbalance in my brain. It’s not who I am fully, it’s just a piece of me.

Anxiety makes me talk too fast or not at all. It makes me stay up too late and toss and turn until it’s 3 am and my mind is still running a marathon. Anxiety makes me have dark circles under my eyes that not even a $30 dollar concealer can combat them. It makes my eyes burn in the morning when I’m looking up at the sun trying to shake away the exhaustion. It makes me fucking tired.

I’m sorry for what my anxiety makes me do. And you need to know that it’s not me. It’s not who I am or who I want to be. It’s anxiety.

Anxiety makes me want to go nonstop. It makes me gogogo until I run out of steam. Anxiety makes me break over and over again. It makes me say things I shouldn’t say. It makes me spill secrets that shouldn’t have been shared to be. It makes me talk behind people’s back, hissing at someone else’s personality, just to feel a bit more alive.

Anxiety turns me into someone I don’t want to be.

Anxiety makes me lose friends. It makes me paranoid that noone truly loves me. It makes me cancel on dates because I’m afraid of silence. It makes my hands shake for no reason. It makes me think I’m going mad.

Anxiety makes me stay inside when the weather is bright and beautiful. It makes me not go out with friends and family even when I really want to. It makes me take a pill every single morning, to combat the demons in my mind.

Anxiety makes me think the worst things about myself.

It says to me I’m not good enough. that I’m not strong enough. That I’ll always be alone. That I’ll always feel like this. That my friends aren’t really my true friends. That he never loved me. That I’ll never get over him no matter how much time has passed.

Anxiety turns me into a darker version of myself. It turns me into a person who stutters. Who can’t drink too much coffee. Who is afraid of love. It makes me cancel and re plan. It makes me isolate myself from everyone I love. It makes me tired. It makes it so hard to breathe when all I want to do is breathe.

Anxiety makes me hide my hands from people so they don’t see my un manicured fingers. It makes me hate everyone and everything. It makes me think that there is no point in daylight. That there’s too much darkness in the world to even imagine.

So I’m sorry for my anxiety makes me do. I’m sorry for what my anxiety tells me. I’m sorry for canceling. I’m sorry for the drunken texts. I’m sorry for the biting of my fingers until they bleed. I’m sorry for trying to breathe. I’m sorry for talking too fast in order for my brain to catch up with my thoughts. 

I’m sorry for thinking too much. I’m sorry for not being able to shut it off. I’m sorry to my brain. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

So you see, anxiety is at fault. Not me.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Your Anxiety Is Actually Controlling Your Life

Your Anxiety Is Actually Controlling Your Life

Hello loves, ❤

Anyone who suffers from excess anxiety or an anxiety disorder knows that anxiety is strange in how it manifests in daily life. It’s beyond reason or logic, and just, in general, makes no sense. It is also super sneaky. For those blessed with anxiety like myself, a lot of times it feels more in control than it is until it doesn’t. If we aren’t mindful or aware of how anxiety is affecting us in the present moment, it’s easy for it to kind of work its way onto the main stage and then jump out and yell,”Surprise, I’m here!”

As a recovering agoraphobic, I’ve learned over time that looking for and being aware of warning signs that anxiety is becoming increasingly invasive can spare a lot of distress in the long run. By looking for certain red flags, anxiety controlling thoughts and other feelings can be caught early and reeled in before becoming a bigger problem that starts directing major or even minor life choices. The following 5 signs can be reliable indicators that anxiety is playing more of a part of your life than it needs to:

1. You avoid too many things you know you shouldn’t.

Avoidance is probably the most clear-cut indication that anxiety is playing a large role in your life. Fear induces a fight, flight, or freeze response that – for an individual who doesn’t experience excess anxiety – enhances the ability to cope with a given situation. However, for those of us that do live with excess anxiety, it can paralyze us, cause us to run from a frightening situation, or even cause a panic attack. So you then start avoiding that coffee shop that you and your ex used to frequent. Or you avoid calling your overbearing mother back. Or you avoid checking your email so you don’t have to subject yourself to whatever hell may have broken loose at work. You suddenly realize you avoid a lot of things. You realize your anxiety has gained the power necessary to control where you go and what you do.

2. You worry too much about everything.

Some worry is good. If you didn’t care about anything, you wouldn’t pay your bills, you’d look like complete garbage, and you’d probably starve. It’s important to worry about the right things in the right amounts. But when the worry takes on a mind of its own, things get a little dicier. Anxiety is a funny thing in that it feeds off of itself. The more the worry runs wild, the more out of control it will feel. So when the focus of the worry shifts from normal things in normal amounts to worrying night and day about – for example – whether you’re capable enough or are just a living example of imposter syndrome, or whether you’ll find a stable career that doesn’t suck the soul out of you, or whether you’re actually deserving of the healthy, non-toxic love of another quality human being, the worry just starts to take on a life of its own and become a controlling force in your life.

3. You think about the future too much.

It was the Chinese philosopher Laozi who graced us with the quote, ”If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.” When anxiety starts to take control of our thoughts, we start to think more about where we will be tomorrow and less about where are right now. Rather than focusing on the fact that you’re currently on the couch with your significant other and enjoying time together watching your favorite show on Netflix, you’re focusing constantly on what needs to be done to prepare for tomorrow’s meeting, or what laundry still needs to be done, or what you need to do to prepare your breakfast for tomorrow morning. When we start thinking these thoughts all of the time, it exhausts us and keeps us feeling continuously anxious.

4. Your anxiety stops you from chasing what you want.

For those of us with anxiety, our minds seem to throw out a constant stream of what I like to call ”what ifs,” or thoughts that focus on future outcomes of events that haven’t even happened yet. These will make the world seem like a scary place. You want to quit your job and work as a freelance writer? But what if you can’t make enough money and pay your bills? Or you want to take a trip to Thailand but you’d have to go alone since none of your friends can go? But what if something bad were to happen? What if you can’t handle such a substantial adventure and wind up lost and alone somewhere? Catastrophizing is the name of the game with ”what ifs”. These thoughts oftentimes lead to self-sabotage and prevent us from living the life we deep down want to live.

5. You notice your anxiety make you feel like less than you are.

This can be the most draining piece for someone with anxiety. While we know it shouldn’t, anxiety can sometimes cause our self-esteem to take a hit. It makes you doubt whether or not you’re capable of handling whatever you face. It can make the uncertainty of the future feel like it’s working against you. It can make you feel like everyone else has such a handle on life when you subjectively struggle on the daily with trying to keep your fear in check. Most days this intense self-doubt isn’t a problem, but when it starts to appear more and more frequently, it’s a sign that anxiety is not only taking over our thoughts but our self-perception as well. When we start to feel that anxiety defines who we are as a person, that’s a sign that anxiety has taken on a much more dominant role in our lives than it needs to.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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73,000 Views, Yay!

Hello loves, ❤

HAPPY THURSDAY! (It’s Thursday here in Sydney, Australia) How is everyone going? I had a public holiday yesterday as it was ANZAC Day here in Australia.

I went on a picnic with my family & it was lovely 🙂 I love every  minute of it – it’s lovely to spend time with you loved ones, bond with them & have a good time together 🙂

We had a picnic then did a ROPES COURSE – holy moly – IT WAS CRAZY! We started on the BLACK NINJA COURSE & it was the most craziest decision EVER! I had a cry, my legs were shaking, my mouth was DRY, I had a panic attach – IT WAS DISASTROUS. But… I did it, only half the course. I actually realised how UNFIT I am. Time to work on this! (Especially if I want to be doing fun runs etc)

I’ve been looking into FUN RUNS in 2018 in my area & it has been fun to see what is coming up around my area – I would love to try to be physically involved as much outdoor activities as possible.

Stadium Stomp is coming up & I really want to do it – I know I will die BUT… I want to give it a try.

ALSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOO.. We are 14 days away from The Mindful Bootcamp I am attending which I am super excited about – I pray this teaches me how to control my anxiety & understand my triggers etc.

Here we are again, throwing 1000 views into the bag yet again.

Thank you to everyone’s love & support – WE ARE 5 DAYS AWAY FROM OUR 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Discovering Your Happiness is turning TWO! that time has gone so fast. I cannot believe its been 2 years ❤

Thank you to the below people that have re-blogged my work:

What does everyone have planned for the weekend?

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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This OR That Tag

Hello loves, ❤

Here we are again – Another GREAT tag that I have created myself, I am loving it!

THIS or that tag

Rules:

  • Thank & tag the person that has tagged you
  • Attach the tag photo
  • Answers the ‘This or THAT questions
  • Tag a 10-20 friends.

LET’S GET STARTED!

  • Dog or Cat?
    • Dog
  • Netflix or YouTube?
    • Ah, can I choose both. I love Youtube but I love Netflix!
  • Phone Call or Text?
    • Text
  • Toast or Eggs?
    • Oo, EGGS!
  • Cardio or Weights?
    • Weights
  • Facebook or Twitter?
    • Neither 🙂
  • Ice Cream Cone or Snow Cone?
    • Ice Cream 😛
  • Mobile Games or Console Games?
    • Console Games (I’m so old school)
  • While walking: Music or Podcasts?
    • Music ❤
  • iOS or Android?
    • iOS 🙂
  • Cake or Pie?
    • CAKE, CAKE, CAKE!
  • Swimming or Sunbathing?
    • Swimming!
  • Big Party or Small Gathering?
    • Small gathering 🙂
  • New Clothes or New Phone?
    • New clothes 🙂
  • Rich Friend or Loyal Friend?
    • Loyal friend 🙂
  • Football or Basketball?
    • Basketball
  • Nice Car or Nice Home Interior?
    • Nice Home Interior
  • What’s worse: Laundry or Dishes?
    • DISHES!
  • Jogging or Hiking?
    • Hiking ❤
  • Bath or Shower?
    • Shower when in a hurry but bath when I can relax 🙂
  • Sneakers or Sandals?
    • Oo, sneakers when I am on the move but sandals with a nice outfit
  • Glasses or Contacts?
    • Glasses 🙂
  • Hamburger or Taco?
    • HAMBURGER!
  • Couch or Recliner?
    • Recliner 🙂
  • Online Shopping or Shopping in a Store?
    • Shopping in store 🙂
  • Receive: Email or Letter?
    • LETTER! I love letters!
  • Passenger or Driver?
    • Driver – I need to be able to be in control when I am in the car!
  • Tablet or Computer?
    • Computer 🙂
  • Most important in a partner: Intelligent or Funny?
    • Intelligent
  • Car or Truck?
    • CAR 🙂
  • Blue or Red?
    • Red
  • Money or Free Time?
    • Free Time ❤
  • Amusement Park or Day at the Beach?
    • Day at the Beach 🙂
  • At a movie: Candy or Popcorn?
    • Popcorn 🙂
  • Pen or Pencil?
    • PEN 🙂
  • Toilet paper: Over or Under?
    • Oo, this is a BIG one! OVER!
  • Cups in the cupboard: Right Side Up or Up Side Down?
    • Upside down ❤
  • Pancake or Waffle?
    • Can I choose both! I have a MAJOR sweet tooth!
  • Coke or Pepsi?
    • Hm, neither, I don’t drink soft drink.
  • Coffee Cup or Thermos?
    • Oo, coffee cup at home, thermos on the way to work 🙂
  • Blinds or Curtain?
    • Curtain ❤
  • Train or Plane?
    • PLANE! I catch a train EVERY day to work 😦
  • Phone or Tablet?
    • Phone 🙂
  • Iced Coffee or Hot Coffee?
    • Hot chocolate? Can I choose that?
  • Meat or Vegetables?
    • MEAT!
  • International Vacation or a New TV?
    • International vacaaaaaaaaay! (Europe, I’m coming for you!)
  • Save or Spend?
    • Little bit of both, hehe 😛
  • Honesty or Other’s Feelings?
    • I am more about honesty, I need to be honest of what is on my mind.
  • Coffee or Tea?
    • TEA ❤
  • TV or Book?
    • Book 🙂
  • Movie at Home or Movie at the Theater?
    • Oo, a good movie snuggled in bed but going out to the movies is nice too ❤
  • Ocean or Mountains?
    • Ah, this is another big one! I love the ocean but I also love me a good beach 🙂
  • Horror Movie or Comedy Movie?
    • Comedy 🙂
  • City or Countryside?
    • Countryside 🙂 TAKE ME AWAY!
  • Winter or Summer?
    • Summer ❤
  • Mac or PC?
    • Oo, this one is hard bc I use both in my life. Maybe MAC.
  • Console Gaming or PC Gaming?
    • Console gaming ❤ Did anyone play SEGA?!
  • Soup or Sandwich?
    • Sandwhich #CARBLIFE
  • Card Game or Board Game?
    • Card Game, give me a game of SNAP any day 🙂
  • Camping or Binge Watching Shows at Home?
    • Oo, I’d love to do camping, maybe not in a tent but a cute cabin.
  • Working Alone or Working in a Team?
    • Oo, I love working alone but I also love the support of others ❤
  • Dine In or Delivery?
    • Delivery – Snuggled up on the couch, eating & watching a movie 🙂
  • Sweater or Hoodie?
    • Hoodie 🙂
  • Motorcycle or Bicycle?
    • Bicycle 🙂
  • Book or eBook?
    • I love me a good book, I love reading them on the train to work 🙂
  • When sleeping: Fan or No Fan?
    • Oo, in SUMMER I need a fan! But in Winter, I need a hot water bottle.
  • TV Shows or Movies?
    • Movies ❤

My Nominees:

I can’t wait to read all of your tags ❤

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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