This Is For You

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Hello loves, ❤

This is for the person with anxiety. For the one with dry eyes and big dreams and a relentless spirit. For the one that is their own worst enemy and their only friend. For the one that reading this has felt the tremor of every fleeting emotion and yet, feels nothing at all.

For the one that yearns to fill their days with explosions of love, hurricanes of passion and a rainfall of peace. For the one that knows that it doesn’t matter how slowly you go as long as you don’t stop, but how much longer and will they ever get there?

This is for the person whose pulse sometimes feels like a rocket headed for space but trapped in their body. The one that feels the vibration of every noise with every fiber of their being and it hurts, but they trusts that one day their body will learn— the danger is gone.

This is for the person that has spent too many a day on a battlefield with their thoughts — running away from them or tirelessly accepting, making promises or greeting threats.

Who has always taken a double portion of responsibility and twice the guilt because they live life in parallel. A life of endless dilemmas that tear you apart; a part of you is here but the other always somewhere far away in the realm of better possibilities.

This is for the person that sometimes feels utter exhaustion without having done a thing at all, because that’s what living in their head feels like.

For the one that has used up all of their energy to try and remain calm, and is now angry because they got mountains to climb, rivers to swim in and rainbows to walk over.

For the person that has tossed and turned and tossed and turned and there isn’t a cold corner of their bedsheets left that they can cling to. For the person who has jiggled with the threat of death in their head, while their body has faithfully carried on with the day.

For the person that is small and tiny but is actually a kingdom for three: their fear, their thoughts and their loving heart. And to the one that has spent most of their days trying to make it a harmonious trio.

For the person that knows this to be true, but refuses it to see it as a sad story. For they are not a victim. But is grateful instead for their chance to grow and become their own master. They still feel the bliss in every day and slows down to smell the roses. They never forget to thank God for every waking day. Yes, to you I want to say— I see you, I feel you, I believe in you.

Your darkness is my light. The places that scare you, the situations that dare you, they glare you. They make you real and living and true. How you build yourself over and over again, with the rise of dawn every morning despite what the night had brought, how you keep trying to accept yourself despite the voices that tell you, you are hard to love. How you hope against hope, and hold tight and always breathe new life to your extinguished fire — that to me is beauty and meaning and strength. You are the first star to appear оn the night sky and defy the darkness, you are the pearl oyster covered in stardust in the debris of the sea, you are the graceful ballerina that keeps on dancing on a tightrope despite her pain.

You know not what you do, but trust me if there is one thing that brings light to this world, it is you.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Coping With Anxiety & Insecurities In Relationships

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Hello loves, ❤

 “Avoiding overthinking and jumping to conclusions could be the key to overcoming your relationship anxiety”

I can tell you for sure that being in a relationship can make us feel vulnerable and emotionally exposed. I had always been prone to stress and doubt and it still manifests when I’m not mindful of it.

This isn’t a strange phenomenon for people who have been hurt in the past or have had love addiction or anxiety issues in the past. Relationship anxiety can be very hard to deal with when let to build up to a certain level. In a generally healthy relationship, you’ll want to learn how to deal with relationship anxiety if you’re prone to it.

1. Review and note potential causes.

Relationships are like the wave concept in physics; they have peaks and troughs. It’s normal to have issues in a healthy relationship from time to time, and you should aim to resolve these hiccups in a respectful and gentle manner.

The problems you might be dealing with might be related to money, jealousy, doubt, and fear of abandonment. When there’s a loss of trust, a feeling of walking on eggshells, long-term stress, or excessive negativity, your relationship can feel challenging, leading to anxiety. If potential causes like these exist and compound your anxiety, you might want to seek professional help to navigate your way out of it.

2. This is hard but avoid jumping to conclusions.

You have to be mature enough to admit that the problem could be imaginary and due to your own over-thinking. Be realistic about what you can really sense in your partner. Don’t be quick to assume the worst. If you have doubts, be proactive and communicate with your partner.

When your partner talks about their feelings, be receptive and open to what they’re saying. Avoid jumping to conclusions about what they’re trying to communicate to you. Don’t imagine you understand everything about your partner’s gender and categorize their expressions or emotions in a box of your gender or personality assumptions. Do not assume any negative feelings are because of you.

3. Accept there are no perfect relationships.

Every relationship has its issues and you won’t always be in the same mindset or emotional state as your partner. It took me a while to actually accept this. I always expected my partners to give me at least 80% of themselves daily. I started having doubts whenever they couldn’t give me what I thought I wanted.

In a bid to not appear demanding, I would compel myself to give at least 80% of myself every day too, even when I knew I didn’t just have that energy level. I was on constant emotional burnout and it compounded my anxiety.

I didn’t let my partners go through their phases of life because I didn’t know if I could even be there for them. Letting yourself be natural and transparent about when you can’t give your maximum level of emotional energy helps you see the humanness of your partner too. Their decision to still stick with you and stay really sweet to you even on their low days is where the love is.

4. Recognize that relationships are different.

Having problematic relationships in the past make you distrustful of your current partner, but it’s important to realize that every relationship is different. Avoid bringing feelings from your past relationship into a current one. Recognize that your partner is a different person, with different motivations, fears and attributes. Let a past relationship go so its shadow doesn’t hang over a current one.

5. Affirm the positives.

We can sometimes focus too much on the negatives and forget the qualities we love in our partners. Instead of dwelling on negatives, take regular time-outs to celebrate the good things in your relationship. Focus on what you love about your partner and the things he or she does for you. Concentrating on the positives can make you feel more secure and allow you to fully feel the love your partner has for you.

6. Seek security in yourself.

I worked hard to rebuild my self-confidence which I realized was a powerful way to counter anxiety in a relationship. You don’t have to give your partner all the responsibility for your happiness, take some of it back and become more self-assured. This can lighten the pressure on your partner and reduce relationship tension.

7. Connect with your partner.

I learned from experience that you sometimes actually have to ask your partner to make an effort to connect and communicate with you. We’re all very different people and we may not really know one another’s commitment style. I’ve learned that you actually have to ask for a lot of things in a healthy relationship.

Asking does not mean that your relationship is falling apart, it just means that you and your partner are different individuals looking to share genuine intimacy and bond. If you’re encountering challenges in your relationship, one strategy to take is to start over anew. Clear old out emotions and perceptions and start dating as if you have just met. From here you could rebuild and rediscover the trust you had.

Connecting with your partner can also mean exchanging needs. Sit down and have a discussion about what each partner needs from the relationship. Work from your lists to do the best you can to satisfy each other’s needs.

Physical affection is also important for re-engaging with your partner. Touching, holding, and otherwise showing physical affection could help you recreate your connection and strengthen your trust to reduce anxiety.

Other ways to minimize anxiety are practicing mindfulness and targeting anxiety with stress busters (meditation, exercise, subtle social activities, long walks, and living in the present).

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Things You Need To Know If You Love Someone Who Suffers From Anxiety Attacks

Things You Need To Know If You Love Someone Who Suffers From Anxiety Attacks

Hello loves, ❤

When the people you love suffer from afflictions that you don’t know much about, it can be difficult to help them, even if you do your best. Anxiety attacks are something people commonly deal with for a variety of reasons, and when someone close to you has them frequently, you may not know what to do to help. Read on to find out some basic things you need to know in order to support your close friends and family before, during and after an anxiety attack.

1. Don’t Question Their Reasoning

The thing about anxiety attacks that everyone who has them knows is that they can be equally triggered by things that make sense and things that don’t as much. For example, a friend might begin to have an attack because they put too many chocolate chips in their pancake. You might feel inclined to take them less seriously because of this, but for them it might have trigger anxieties that relate to that activity. Always recognize that their attack is valid even if you don’t understand it.

2. Offer Your Help

Everyone is going to react differently when you offer help during an anxiety attack, so don’t take their answer personally. Some people may need you to talk them out of it, hold them while they go through it or even leave them alone so they can just wait it out. The key is to give them the power to control the situation, so their anxiety can be eased.

3. Focus on Breathing

Practicing a breathing exercise can help at all times surrounding or during an anxiety attack. By doing a breathing exercise to relieve anxiety that’s right for them, your loved one could do this on their own when they feel themselves getting anxious. If they want you to stick around during an attack, try to talk them through the exercise in an effort to help calm and refocus them.

4. Meditation Can Help

The difference between meditating and doing a breathing exercise is that meditation focuses the mind and air intake, while watching your breathing is just a calming method. You can meditate with your loved one as a sign of support so they don’t feel alone in learning to control and channel their anxiety. Meditation has been proven to help control triggers and impulses that relate to anxiety attacks, so even just trying it could give your loved one a moment of peace and calm.

5. Set Boundaries

Some anxiety attacks are caused by people overthinking, so boundaries can help them learn to narrow down what anxieties they deal with every day. Your loved one could worry about their health and repeatedly ask if they should go to a doctor or if what they have is serious. Good boundaries could be limiting their questions to three, then if they have concerns after that, they get one call to their doctor for advice. Boundaries show that worries can be dealt with quickly and don’t always have to spiral.

6. Go to A Professional

Never underestimate the kind of help a mental health professional can provide if no other options have worked. They might recommend something like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which is a psychotherapy that aims to modify dysfunctional behaviors and thoughts. It’s commonly used to treat anxiety and has given people positive results. Seeing a professional wouldn’t be a sign of weakness. It might be the best way for the person you love to overcome their anxiety and live their best life.

Talking about their anxiety attacks is sometimes the hardest part about life for someone who experiences anxiety. It’s not always easy to explain and they may feel defeated by it, making it a big insecurity. There are lots of ways you can help your loved one who deals with anxiety attacks, but the biggest help you can give is by always providing a safe space for them to come to so they don’t have to worry about any judgement.

And never forget that even if the person you love finds ways to cope with their anxiety and struggles with it less over time, it’s a personal issue that follows people their entire lives. There’s no magic word or trick anyone can do to instantly take it away. There may be relapses or long periods of success, but always promise to be there for them if they should ever need it.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Real Reasons Why Dealing With Anxiety Is The Worst

Real Reasons Why Dealing With Anxiety Is The Worst

Hello loves, ❤

I like to call anxiety the silent killer of my aspirations. It likes to convince me that I have nothing good to say, or that, even if I did, someone else is already saying it better than I ever could. It likes to set negative expectations, so that in the event that the bad thing actually happens, my useless fears are reinforced. “See?” my anxiety says, “what did I tell you about ignoring me?”

They say fear is a natural thing. It serves an important role in our lives, and has kept our species from dying out. Anxiety is fear on steroids, it’s death from the inside out. It’s when your brain is hijacked and constantly in fight or flight mode. It’s exhausting, it’s useless, and fighting against it makes you feel like David standing up to Goliath. There’s many reasons I despise my anxiety, but the following five are the bulk of my scorn.

1. The Ups and Downs.

Anxiety is one step forward, one step backward, a never ending cha cha. You feel trapped in a loop of “wow, I’m doing so much better” and “today I failed massively.” The worst part? You don’t know if you’ve really failed, or if it’s just your anxiety is making you feel like you did.

2. Constantly needing reassurance.

Constant reassurance. You know, more than anyone, that it can be a pain. The last thing you want to do is ask your friend if you did an okay job ordering from the drive through, because the lady at the window looked at you kind of funny. Sometimes the “you did fine” that follows isn’t enough to calm your racing thoughts.

3. Always worrying about something.

Anxiety is proactive and reactive. It will not only stop you from doing things you want to do, thus, being proactive. It will also plague you when you are having fun. There’s always that moment where your immediate problems have all been solved and you feel almost as if you’re missing something. Shouldn’t I be worrying about something? Then it starts again. To be noted: if you have anxiety, googling symptoms of an illness is not advisable.

4. Caring too much. About everything.

Anxiety likes it if you care what other people think; that further hinders your ability to find yourself and be truly happy. If you try to cater to everyone, you will be locked in a very tight box, I assure you. It’s so easy to lose sight of your own identity in trying to make it fit with someone else’s picture of what is right. It’s hard not to want to shrink yourself into the smallest person you can be, just to appease your fears.

5. Being too much while simultaneously not being enough.

You’re too much of a worrier, too much of a people pleaser, not enough of a risk taker, not enough of an individual. If anxiety and all the things it prohibits is not enough, the constant misunderstanding of those around you can really make you want to crawl into a hole. It’s important to accept who you are, anxiety or no. It’s important to ignore the people who don’t appreciate you, but it’s so much easier to say these things than to actually do them.

My anxiety is a grotesque, slimy creature that feeds off of canceled plans and inner turmoil. I don’t like it, and I don’t like its friends. This is why I hate my anxiety.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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