Putting In The Effort

Hello loves ❤

We focus so much on what we deserve that we actually forget what’s right in front of us the entire time. Maybe love was never about what you deserve, but what you never thought you needed until you realize they make your life a whole lot better.

The world romanticizes relationships so much that we have this tendency to higher unnecessary expectations, and maybe this has everything to do with unrealistic portrayals of relationships in novels and books.

Either way, maybe the definition of love is so blurred that we don’t even know how to tell if we really do love someone. Romance novels portray unrealistically high standards on how you show you love someone with a grand gesture, such as a candlelight dinner with rose petals surrounding it or giving a huge bouquet of roses with every kind of chocolate she would like.

Maybe love has nothing to do with the things you buy for the person you love because love can’t be measured by the amount of flowers you buy for her or by the amount of roses surrounding a candlelight dinner. Just because you choose to kiss someone under the pouring rain just like The Notebook, it doesn’t suddenly mean you love her.

Money can’t buy happiness, and it certainly can’t buy love either. Love isn’t a Nicholas Sparks novel because in real life, relationships last because you work for it.

When you say effort is a need for a relationship, this doesn’t mean just buying them their favorite flower or spending money on that book they always wanted to buy for themselves. Effort is a more intimate thing than spending your money on them.

It’s paying attention to all of them when you’re with them, and not putting half your attention on your phone. It’s actually being genuinely curious as to how they’ve been doing and wanting to know their deepest and saddest thoughts at night, and what made them feel this way. It’s surprising them on their birthday and going to their place and making their day special, because you know how much they look forward to their birthday. It’s actually making them feel wanted and treating them the way they deserve.

Effort was never about the material things. Effort is how loved and valued you make them feel, whether you’re together or apart.

It’s about her not having to tell you what she needs because you already know it. It’s about forehead kisses and cuddles on mornings because you know how grumpy she gets in the morning, but not when you wake her up right. It’s about never making her feel like she puts in all the effort to make the relationship work. It’s about making her a priority, no matter how busy your day gets.

It’s about knowing that she deserves the love she gives everyone else because you know she’s your everything.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

Love Yourself

Hello loves, ❤

Change is uncomfortable and unflattering sometimes. It pushes you out of your comfort zone. When you want to change any part of your life it requires you to let go who you were so you can become who you are meant to be.

With those changes come relationships that are going to end and a certain lifestyle that no longer fits for you. People aren’t going to understand it. People might even resent you for making necessary changes in your life. When you stop living the life someone else wants you to, that makes them feel better about their own, you lose people along the way.

But wanting to make any change is huge. A lot of people talk about choosing a different life yet they keep living the same mediocre one that makes them feel unsatisfied. Overcome with fear of what they’ll find, they settle.

It’s taking a hard look at yourself a realizing you have flaws and shortcoming and vices and not blaming someone else for it.

It’s taking a hard look at your life and realizing everything you have is a reflection of the choices you’ve made and no one else’s.

It’s taking a hard look at what you’ve done and not resenting the past but realizing ‘I don’t want to do this anymore.’

It’s taking a hard look at where you want to be and realizing you can get there, it’s just going to take some sacrifices.

It’s looking at your bank account or credit card bill and saying I’m not going to spend carelessly. It’s setting a goal for saving and making a point to reach that.

It’s looking at what you do in your free time and if it’s drinking and partying, you have to say to yourself, ‘this won’t get me where I want to be.’ So you pull away. You say no when people invite you out. You don’t fall into peer pressure when someone temps you. You set a plan for how you are going to tackle everything.

It’s realizing the days do matter and to make the most of the 24 hours ahead. Not the time you lost or what hasn’t happened yet or how far you are from where you want to be. It’s looking only at the next step.

It’s ending certain relationships not because you don’t love and care about the person but because they aren’t good for you and they aren’t helping you. And when you cut ties with those people who have always been there, it’s not going to be easy. But some relationships are better at a distance.

It’s taking a hard look at yourself in the mirror and when you play the comparing game it isn’t going to be, ‘do I measure up to someone I follow on Instagram?’ But ‘Am I better than the person I was yesterday?’ Being the best version of yourself will come without jealousy or envy of others because you are so focused on you and your goals and the person you want to become.

It’s taking the time to answer the question, ‘what do I like?’ and not just following the latest trend of what everyone else pretends to like. It’s realizing you don’t have to do that anymore.

It’s not about creating this filtered life you have on Instagram and wanting to make everyone else and feel FOMO. It’s living such a good life you forget you even have a phone.

You take a step back and focus on what makes you happy and if the thing you are doing every day isn’t fulfilling you, you change it. Because you should look forward to waking up every day.

It’s not getting lost in searching for cheap flights and a vacation you need, it’s finding your purpose that you don’t want to leave and you want to work every day because it doesn’t feel like a job.

It’s taking time out of your day for yourself. Where silence doesn’t make you uncomfortable. And being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. And in those few moments, you simply meditate or count your blessings. Because when you are leading a negative life the first you lose is realizing how lucky you are. It’s a positive shift where you realize everything around you is a blessing.

It doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time but you do have to be grateful for what you have and not focus on the things you don’t.

When you wake up and there’s something you don’t want to do like for a run or go to the gym but you wake up and do it anyway, that changes you. It’s choosing to fill your body with something healthy because pizza might taste good but you realize you’ll feel guilty after eating it later. It’s about the small choices you make that add up to something greater.

It’s not about smoothies and meal prep and detoxes. It’s about learning to detox the negative things in your life whether that’d people or hobbies or parts of yourself.

It’s realizing exercise isn’t a punishment but rather a celebration of the things your body can do.

It’s following that plan and not winging something last minute because yes, that’s impressive you can but what’s more impressive is sticking to a plan and following through and not letting yourself down.

It’s being your number one cheerleader even if you are the only one. It’s looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing you are taking steps towards being a better you. And you’re doing it for you and no one else.

It’s looking at your story and everything that has made you who you are and taking ownership of it. It’s no longer blaming others and being the victim. It’s no longer playing on repeat the things that have happened that might have hurt or the thing you wish you could change. It’s forgiving yourself. It’s looking ahead now.

It’s looking at relationships and even if there are endings you might not understand and heartbreak you might be dealing with, its understanding that happened for a reason even if you don’t know what that reason is.

It’s putting your phone down when you want to text that person because in your heart you know you shouldn’t push send even if you want to.

It’s respecting the things you feel instead of repressing it even if those emotions are ugly. It’s facing these things head on.

It’s learning to let go of things with grace. Because sometimes to hold onto something new and become better it requires you to let go of something or someone you’ve hung onto a little too tight even if that’s yourself. 

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

Lets TRY To Describe Anxiety

Hello loves ❤

How do you explain ANXIETY to someone that has never felt anxious before?

As an anxiety sufferer, there is no words to describe what is going through our minds.

But, hey… Lets try describe it ❤

 

1. “It is like you’re breathing through a coffee stirrer straw. Never really being able to get a full breath, feeling like you’re not getting enough air, a constant state of panic.”

2. “Anxiety is feeling nervous before an interview or a party days in advance — but it’s also feeling nervous when you have nothing to be nervous about. When you’re sitting in your house and everything is technically fine, when there is technically nothing to worry about, but you still feel uneasy and can’t figure out why.”

3. “It’s like constantly being pushed underwater by wave after wave. Coming up for air only gives you relief for a minute, but just as you find relief, you’re pushed under again. Sometimes the waves are small and you can swim past it, but some waves are so big and powerful, you can’t do anything but wait it out, and have patience that it will pass.”

4. “Feeling on edge, with a constant fight/flight response when the anxiety is present. Overthinking situations in some instances, and needed reassurance that your thoughts are valid, even if they may not be rational – which we get, but our mind is trying to convince us otherwise.”

5. “It’s like having a weight on your chest and every time you exhale it gets heavier and harder to take in air. At the same time the room you are in is shrinking around you. You call for help because the room is crowded and surely someone can come take the weight off you so you don’t suffocate but nobody hears you so you’re completely alone.”

6. “A constant battle between me, myself and I. There’s situations I’m in where the logical side of me, the non-anxiety self wouldn’t think twice or be upset but my anxiety monster inside wins and I’m in a constant state of panic or self-doubt. Meanwhile deep down inside I’m trying to tell myself it’s nothing or screaming and clawing from the inside with no where to go because I’m just being crippled by this disease…. and at the end I’m exhausted, usually with a headache or migraine, over nothing.”

7. “It’s an insecurity thing I can’t seem to overcome. Because I know what the rational thought process is I know sometimes I sound nuts. But anxiety is a way to protect myself. Although sometimes it feels like it backfires. There are times when I’m completely 100% correct about a situation. And most the time I don’t want to be. I want to be wrong. I want to know I’ve overthought this and I’ve overanalyzed things but people with anxiety I think are very accurate about reading situations and understanding things and predicting a situation. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about anxiety it’s the right relationships in your life won’t fill you with it. When you are confident in someone, that insecurity of saying the wrong thing or losing them isn’t a factor.”

8. “Everything is Worst Case Scenario even if your rational brain knows everything will be fine.”

9. “Anxiety for me is when I’m crying and can’t breathe and catch my breath my mind is constantly on repeat and can’t think straight I start making up things about my relationships and now I’ve started to losing sleep.”

10. “Anxiety is an uninvited houseguest in my head that is invisible to people without anxiety — they don’t understand it, and because they think my life looks great from the outside, it sometimes makes me feel like I am crazy for feeling the way I do. Anxiety is a very isolating thing without the proper support. It is a constant state of worrying worst case, “what if?” scenarios. How it manifests for me physically includes heart palpitations, upset stomach, headaches, insomnia. It’s the waking up at 3am every night with racing thoughts about situations that may never even come true that are the worst for me.”

11. “Anxiety feels like 100 different people giving you 100 different opinions about your life that you didn’t ask for.”

12. “Anxiety is every problem in life coming to the forefront at once, causing heaviness on the soul. Its the past present and future of problems, rising out of you and shedding light of its existence in any form whether it be sleepless nights, not being to focus on your loves and passions, and causing dissolving self worth over prolonged periods of time.”

13. “Panic.”

14. “Knowing you’re thoughts are irrational and that inside you’re going crazy and not being able to stop.”

15. “It feels as though I have no control over my anxiety. Somedays I wake up and feel absolutely great and can take on anything the day throws at me, and then within the next 5 minutes, my chest will begin to feel heavy, my breathing will be short as if I just ran 10km full speed, I’ll break out in a sweat, my hands will shake and because of this overwhelming/uncontrollable feeling, I begin to cry and feel so exhausted from this episode that I’m ready to turn right around and crawl back in bed scared that this will happen again. My body can go through this everyday multiple times or not at all. Sometimes I know why, and sometimes I don’t and the worst of it, is that it will show up at any given time throughout my day without any notice making it difficult to plan my day ahead of time or to even think about leaving my house at all.”

16. “I often describe it to my friends as paralyzing. I can’t force myself to do something, even though I should. I can’t breath fine, even though nothing is wrong. I can’t get out of bed, even though it’s 2pm. I can’t help but worry, even though it may be something I cant control. I can’t lift the weight off my chest, even though there’s no weight there.
It’s paralyzing.”

17. “In my own way, in my own thoughts, afraid of judgement, feeling worthless, perseverating on old wounds, existential crises and constant low self esteem leading to poor choices, more self criticism and more internal angst….all of this leading to constant worry and negative ideas and jitters.”

18. “Feeing nauseous and sick. My body is tired and all I want to do is sleep or cry or both. I never know why either. And sometimes even after I cry, I still feel sick and tired.”

19. “When I am anxious I am completely fixated on the one thing. I can’t think rationally or logically, I only feel overwhelmed with emotion. It feels like everything is wrong and that it will always be that way. I can’t see past the cause of my anxiety or see that it will be fine. Anxiety makes it feel like the world is ending when it isn’t.”

20. “When I’m anxious I can’t think of anything else but that one thing everything is on auto pilot. Taking a bath eating texting or even reading a book feels like a chore. Simply getting out of bed when you want nothing more than to stay in it is a challenge.”

21. “I read before the best way to explain anxiety to someone is imagine you have porn up on your browser and someone comes up behind you, and you cannot hit that “x” button fast enough.”

Does this sound right my anxiety sufferers?

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

A, x (1)

Show The World She Is Yours

Hello loves ❤

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 🙂

Below are some great examples to show the world that she is yours ❤

  1. Leave her something in a public place.

Maybe this is a note on the windshield of her car, a bouquet of flowers at her work, a special message taped or written on her bathroom mirror. This doesn’t have to be grand, but it’s thoughtful, sweet, and shows everyone around her that she’s loved.

 

  1. Hold her hand in public.

Some sort of intimate contact—whether that’s pulling her closer, grabbing her hand, or putting your arm around her shoulders—claims her as yours. You’re not only making her feel comforted and cared for, but you’re expressing your love in a physical way.

 

  1. Post something public about your relationship.

Social media isn’t for everyone (and it can sometimes be a big of a downer) but if you and your partner are comfortable sharing pieces of your lives, then tag her in a photo or post and flood your feed with how happy you two are. This is a public (but personal) way to share how much the relationship means to you.

 

  1. Pull her in for a kiss when you’re in the middle of crowd, dancefloor, or event.

In the middle of the craziness, in the midst of your everyday lives, be intentional about paying attention to her. Even if this is just a simple kiss, it shows the world that even when things are busy, you’re still focused on her.

 

  1. Bring her along to a family dinner or get-together.

Your family is blood—you’re very close with them. Show her how much you value her by bringing her around your family or introducing her to a sibling or parent.

 

  1. Invite her out with your friends.

Showing her off and letting her meet your friends is a way to show her you’re truly serious. You wouldn’t bring someone around you had no intentions to keep.

 

  1. Absentmindedly give her small displays of affection.

If you see she’s stressed, if you’re waiting in line, if there’s a quiet moment where you can make it known you’re thinking about her—do so. Massage her shoulders, rub her back, give her a hug; it’s the little things cthat mean the most.

 

  1. Acknowledge her when she speaks.

In a world plagued by over-use of technology, make sure to give her full eye contact when she speaks. Not only will this tell her that you’re focused, but it will show the world that she’s a priority to you.

 

  1. Do something for her without prompting.

You can show the world you love her by doing something for her without being asked. Maybe that’s opening her car door, helping her carry groceries, buying her drink when you’re getting a refill—big or little, these actions are tangible representations of your love.

 

  1. Randomly compliment her.

When you’re out with a group of people, make it a point to say something kind or whisper a sweet nothing in her ear. This will show her that no matter what’s going on or where you are, she is yours.

 

I pray you all have a lovely Valentines Day ❤

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

A, x (1)