Coping With Anxiety & Insecurities In Relationships

www.discoveringyourhappiness.com (5)

Hello loves, ❤

 “Avoiding overthinking and jumping to conclusions could be the key to overcoming your relationship anxiety”

I can tell you for sure that being in a relationship can make us feel vulnerable and emotionally exposed. I had always been prone to stress and doubt and it still manifests when I’m not mindful of it.

This isn’t a strange phenomenon for people who have been hurt in the past or have had love addiction or anxiety issues in the past. Relationship anxiety can be very hard to deal with when let to build up to a certain level. In a generally healthy relationship, you’ll want to learn how to deal with relationship anxiety if you’re prone to it.

1. Review and note potential causes.

Relationships are like the wave concept in physics; they have peaks and troughs. It’s normal to have issues in a healthy relationship from time to time, and you should aim to resolve these hiccups in a respectful and gentle manner.

The problems you might be dealing with might be related to money, jealousy, doubt, and fear of abandonment. When there’s a loss of trust, a feeling of walking on eggshells, long-term stress, or excessive negativity, your relationship can feel challenging, leading to anxiety. If potential causes like these exist and compound your anxiety, you might want to seek professional help to navigate your way out of it.

2. This is hard but avoid jumping to conclusions.

You have to be mature enough to admit that the problem could be imaginary and due to your own over-thinking. Be realistic about what you can really sense in your partner. Don’t be quick to assume the worst. If you have doubts, be proactive and communicate with your partner.

When your partner talks about their feelings, be receptive and open to what they’re saying. Avoid jumping to conclusions about what they’re trying to communicate to you. Don’t imagine you understand everything about your partner’s gender and categorize their expressions or emotions in a box of your gender or personality assumptions. Do not assume any negative feelings are because of you.

3. Accept there are no perfect relationships.

Every relationship has its issues and you won’t always be in the same mindset or emotional state as your partner. It took me a while to actually accept this. I always expected my partners to give me at least 80% of themselves daily. I started having doubts whenever they couldn’t give me what I thought I wanted.

In a bid to not appear demanding, I would compel myself to give at least 80% of myself every day too, even when I knew I didn’t just have that energy level. I was on constant emotional burnout and it compounded my anxiety.

I didn’t let my partners go through their phases of life because I didn’t know if I could even be there for them. Letting yourself be natural and transparent about when you can’t give your maximum level of emotional energy helps you see the humanness of your partner too. Their decision to still stick with you and stay really sweet to you even on their low days is where the love is.

4. Recognize that relationships are different.

Having problematic relationships in the past make you distrustful of your current partner, but it’s important to realize that every relationship is different. Avoid bringing feelings from your past relationship into a current one. Recognize that your partner is a different person, with different motivations, fears and attributes. Let a past relationship go so its shadow doesn’t hang over a current one.

5. Affirm the positives.

We can sometimes focus too much on the negatives and forget the qualities we love in our partners. Instead of dwelling on negatives, take regular time-outs to celebrate the good things in your relationship. Focus on what you love about your partner and the things he or she does for you. Concentrating on the positives can make you feel more secure and allow you to fully feel the love your partner has for you.

6. Seek security in yourself.

I worked hard to rebuild my self-confidence which I realized was a powerful way to counter anxiety in a relationship. You don’t have to give your partner all the responsibility for your happiness, take some of it back and become more self-assured. This can lighten the pressure on your partner and reduce relationship tension.

7. Connect with your partner.

I learned from experience that you sometimes actually have to ask your partner to make an effort to connect and communicate with you. We’re all very different people and we may not really know one another’s commitment style. I’ve learned that you actually have to ask for a lot of things in a healthy relationship.

Asking does not mean that your relationship is falling apart, it just means that you and your partner are different individuals looking to share genuine intimacy and bond. If you’re encountering challenges in your relationship, one strategy to take is to start over anew. Clear old out emotions and perceptions and start dating as if you have just met. From here you could rebuild and rediscover the trust you had.

Connecting with your partner can also mean exchanging needs. Sit down and have a discussion about what each partner needs from the relationship. Work from your lists to do the best you can to satisfy each other’s needs.

Physical affection is also important for re-engaging with your partner. Touching, holding, and otherwise showing physical affection could help you recreate your connection and strengthen your trust to reduce anxiety.

Other ways to minimize anxiety are practicing mindfulness and targeting anxiety with stress busters (meditation, exercise, subtle social activities, long walks, and living in the present).

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

Know Thyself in 21 Questions

To know who we are is something we should discover early on in life. 

You know the saying about loving yourself before you can love anyone else?

Knowing yourself is the same. Before you know anything, you have to know yourself.

Unfortunately, it’s not quite as straightforward as you’d hope. 

Firstly, because the beauty of people is learning and change. You will constantly learn new things about yourself. It’s a life long process, and that’s a good thing.

The second reason knowing yourself isn’t as easy as it sounds, is because we’re unsure of where to begin. This is why these questions are helpful. It will serve as a starting point for you to take further.

Think of knowing yourself like researching an object

You want to know everything you can about it. Then, you know exactly how to develop it, care for it, grow it, and use it in the most effective and efficient way possible.

How would you answer these questions? 

  1. What does your ideal day look like?
  2. What did you want to be when you were younger?
  3. Who are you most inspired by? Why?
  4. Who would you love to meet? What would you ask?
  5. What habit would you most like to break? What habit would you most like to start?
  6. Think of a person you truly admire. What qualities do you like about that person?
  7. How do you like to relax?
  8. When was the last time you did something you were afraid of?
  9. What are you most proud of?
  10. What are you most afraid of?
  11. If life stopped today, what would you regret not doing?
  12. Who would you like to connect (or reconnect) with? Why?
  13. What qualities do you admire in others?
  14. What practical skills do you wish you had?
  15. Imagine you’re in your 90s. What memories would you like to have? What stories do you want to tell?
  16. What is your favorite book/movie/song? Why?
  17. If you could make one change in the world, what would it be?
  18. What do you love to do for, or give to others (not an object – something from you personally)?
  19. What excites you?
  20. What do you wish you did more of?
  21. Pretend money is no object. What would you do?
  22. What area of your life, right now, makes you feel the best? Which area makes you feel the worst? Why?
  23. Let’s jump forward a year. What would you like to have achieved in the past year?
  24. What piece of advice would you give to five year old you? Sixteen year old you? Twenty-one year old you? Right now?
  25. How do you want to be remembered in life?

Grab a pen + paper, enjoy answering these questions, enjoy learing more about yourself.

You are your own best friend, you are with yourself 24/7, so you need to know the person that you are.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

A, x (1)

When Your Horoscope Makes Sense

I am a firm believer of Horoscopes, (some may not be & I respect that) however, I am.

It’s crazy how my horoscope can really relate to certain things in my life.

I turn to my horoscope in times of help, support, faith & love.

I was born 03/11. which makes me a Scorpio – This is todays horoscope:

Some repairs in life are worth making yet some are not. For example, if your car needs a new starter, it’s a reasonable investment to repair a vehicle that is proven to be reliable. But some repairs in life are not worth making. To use the car analogy again, Scorpio, if your car needs a new engine and transmission, and it doesn’t have the value to make it worth it, you probably would sell it or junk it & look for another car. Some situations in your life may or may not be worth saving now. Consider your situation carefully, take the far horizon approach & do what you know will be the best for you in the long run. 

I am so happy that this has come to me at this time in my life ❤

I have asked & have been seeking help & support so for this to me to me, really puts my mind at ease.

Are you a fan of horoscopes? If so, share w/ me why?

A, x (1)

 

Switching The Mind Off

Today was a different day, today was a day of switching off all the noise in my head & making some big decisions in my life.

Switching off all this noise today was so peaceful & quiet, my mind is constantly running at 28365 kilometres an hour – so this most certainly benefited me.

The thought of switching off scares me though, I have to be alert & aware at all times.

I packed a bag & set off for the day to La Perouse National Park, (located in Sydney, Australia for those that don’t know where it is), it is amazing there, sat by the cliff side ate my muesli bar & grapes I than set off for a nice long walk, this walk was not only a walk but a walk filled w/ thoughts, decision making etc – best walk of my life.

When I reached my next destination, this was the ‘switching off’ time – I sat & meditated for a while, I let out all the negative thoughts that are poisoning me.

Realising that I don’t need to be in control 24/7 & that it is okay to go with the flow in life & to not question everything is happening around me & everyone around me.

Realising that if I was less stressed in life, my thought pattern would be VERY different!

Today, I enjoyed my own company, I enjoyed spending time outdoors alone, thinking, & also switching off for once in my life.

Below are some of the photos from my walk, I want to share – the silence was amazing.