Your Depression Doesn’t Define You

Hello loves, ❤

Just so you know, your depression doesn’t define you.

It might feel like it does. Sometimes it might even feel like it consumes you completely, and I understand that. Because sometimes my depression does the same thing to me. It swallows me whole and drowns me in self-doubt. Then, it strangles me with poisonous thoughts and convinces me I’m unworthy of love, and sometimes even life. But I’m not unworthy, and neither are you.

Depression is just pure evil that convinces you everything is wrong, including yourself. It gets inside your body, and your mind, and your soul, and it cuts you down to your very core. Depression is lonely because it’s only understandable to the people who have fought through it themselves. It’s an unexplainable nightmare you keep waking up from, but you never actually get out of.

It’s inescapable and when the people around you urge you to bring yourself out of it, you only fall in deeper.

It steals your drive of passion and takes away your will to love. It leaves you stranded all alone, feeling like a mess whose only contribution to the world is their sadness. It swallows you, and it consumes you, and then it makes you believe all you are is your depression. But you’re not. You are more, and you always have been.

You are a human being. A human who has made someone smile, and someone laugh, and someone feel. You’ve impacted people with your own smile, and your own laugh, and your own feelings. You have beliefs and passions and a journey to a destination you are destined to reach. You have your own path in life that is only meant for you and your mind to conquer. 

You’re a human who has made a difference in the world, whether you realize it or not.

You’re a friend who is needed, and a family member who is loved deeply. You’re a person who can understand something as devastating as depression and help other people who struggle with it by simply letting them know they are not alone.

You are powerful, and compassionate. You are caring, beautiful, and one of a kind. There is only one person on this planet who has everything you’ve got, and that’s you. And that makes you important, and needed, and rare.

You are an incredibly strong human being, and never try to say that you aren’t. I know you are, because you’ve felt the type of lowness that has left people utterly broken, and yet you’re still here.

You’re here, and you’re still fighting. You are not your depression. You are a warrior who fights a daily battle within yourself and survives it every single day.

You are a survivor. A human who has felt pure emptiness and lived through it. And most of all, you are someone who deserves love and the life you live, because what defines you could never be minimized to a single word, unless that word is more.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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You Are Not A Burden

Hello loves, ❤

I think that sometimes, we tend to be a little hard on ourselves. We tend to be our own worst critics. We can point out and analyze our flaws faster than anyone else on the planet. It’s not hard to look at ourselves and notice all the things that might be wrong with us.

It’s even easier to do when you’re in a relationship with someone who manages to do it for you.

I know it never starts like this. I know that there was a time where this person adored you in every way you never could have imagined. They were dedicated and loving, kind and charming. It almost seemed as if they were willing to bend over backward if you were just willing to take a chance on them. They didn’t stop singing your praises and worshipping the ground you walked on. You honestly had never had someone make you feel as if you really were the most important thing in the universe. That kind of love can really do something to a person. And it really did something to you, didn’t it? So much so that you decided to take the heart you had so graciously protected, and place it into someone else’s hands, because they spent all this time telling you how they would care for it.

However, sometimes things begin to shift, whether or not we notice at first. You know at one time you were waking up to “good morning beautiful” text messages, and now you’re greeted with blank screens. You know at one time, this person would ask you come spend time with them, and now whenever you ask for their company, they act as if it’s no longer something they enjoy, but something they are forced to do. You know at one time, they couldn’t say “I love you” enough times in a day, and now whenever you say it, you’re met with silence or a half-hearted response.

You know that at some point, things started to go downhill, but when you bring it up, when you try to determine what changed and how to fix things, you’re met with a barrage of defensive responses that essentially point all the problems to you. “You’re too clingy.” “We don’t have to spend every second together.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re making this too much work.” And so you retreat back into your shell. You start to take in all the accusations and truly believe that this is all your fault. That you are putting too much pressure. That you are asking for too much. That you are a burden.

You sit by yourself and you spend your time ignoring all the flaws of this person you’re so in love with while fixating on your own obsessively. You tell yourself that this is just how things are—that they are wonderful, and that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you’re just a burden to anyone who might want to love you.

Yet honestly, you should know that when you’re with the right person, you won’t feel like a burden. In fact, you’ll feel quite the opposite.

There is something to be said for examining the places we fall short and striving to do better and to have a partner who will kindly help us become a better version of ourselves. However, if every single day, you are met with a constant stream of reasons why you are a problem, why you are a liability, why you are the entire reason that the relationship isn’t working, then you need to take a step back and realize that maybe you’re not with the right person.

The right person will recognize that you have flaws and imperfections, but will not fixate and blow them up larger than they truly are. They won’t constantly put you down in order to build themselves up. They won’t kick you while you’re down and remind you of all of the places you fall short.

The right person will have days where they are angry or hurt, and they may even say things they don’t mean that hurt you at the moment, but they will take a step back and apologize for it as well. They won’t look at every problem in your relationship and find a way to blame you for it. They won’t spend their time making excuses for the way they behave, but will acknowledge their own faults and try to be better, the same way that you are,

The right person won’t spend the beginning of your relationship trying to sweep you off your feet with grand gestures and heartfelt words, only to have those things disappear once they have won your heart. They won’t allow your moments of saying “I love you” to be met with silence or a half-hearted response. They won’t act as if spending time with you is an inconvenient obligation but will cherish the time you get to spend together. They won’t make you feel as if dating you is a chore, but something to be excited about.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter how much someone claims to love you. If they make you feel as if you are something they have to put up with rather than someone they want to spend their time, even their life, with then you haven’t found the right person yet. There are people out there that will not hesitate to put in the effort to be with you—they won’t view you as a burden but as a blessing. They won’t place the blame on you, but take your hand in theirs so you can work out a way to fix things.

So stop trying to hold on to the person who is making you feel like you are a burden they have to bear. In the end, if someone isn’t smart enough to look at you and realize how much love you have to give and how much you have to offer to the world, then they were never the right person for you, anyway.

And I think it’s time you go try and find them.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

Be With Someone Who Believes In You

Hello loves ❤

Being with someone is a big commitment, you need to ensure that this is the person that you want to spend your time with ❤

When it comes to relationships, I think we tend to overlook some things, especially when they are in the newer phases. We don’t pay attention to all the little quirks that later may become annoying. We look past certain behaviours that later may manifest into larger problems. We blow right past red flags that we could’ve prevented from the very beginning if we had looked at them realistically. On top of these things, we also tend to push love as the biggest and most important factor of relationships. We say that love will get you through anything. And while love is indeed important, and does tend to be a base where other characteristics manifest, we tend to look at it as the only crucial point to hang the entire relationship upon.

It is one thing for someone to love you—to find you desirable on your best and worst days, to know your likes and dislikes, to promise to be there for you when you need them to be. However, one thing that I think people don’t always give enough credit to is the ones who believe in you. This isn’t saying that the two aren’t linked somehow. It would make sense that if someone loved you, they would believe in you. However, it doesn’t always show up as clearly as we would like. Someone can claim to love you, but not encourage you or support you.

The truth is, you should date someone who not only loves you, but believes in you, and your capability to do the things you strive for in this world.

You should date someone who, when you tell them the goal you aspire to, doesn’t shrug passively or simply nod in interest, but who grabs your hand and says “I have no doubt you can do this.” Who is understanding when you work your butt of trying to achieve those goals, even if it means you may sacrifice spending time with them every once in awhile. Someone who doesn’t let you run yourself into the ground from taking on too much, but someone who encourages you every step of the way.

You should date someone who doesn’t just hear you discuss your passions and then allow them to fall away to the back of their mind, but who actively discusses new aspects of those passions with you. Someone who may not know everything about your interests, but still does their best to take an interest because it interests you.

You should date someone who, on the days where you feel things aren’t going as planned and you think about giving up, they gently remind you that this is the thing you’ve been working towards for so long, and that everyone has days like this. Someone who opens their arms to you when it feels like you will never reach the place you want to be, because they know that comfort and hope are the best things they can provide in that moment.

You should date someone who celebrates your successes with you, no matter how big or small they may be. They don’t dismiss the achievements you make even if they are on a smaller scale, because they know that even the tiniest of successes are potential building blocks for bigger things in the future. They don’t respond in jealousy if you are achieving something that doesn’t actively involve them, but instead they stand by your side as your biggest fan and number one supporter.

You should date someone who believes in you, because they are able to look at you and see the things that maybe others would overlook and they are the ones who want to remind you of your potential. They understand that the simplest of compliments go a long way, and while they would never try to coddle you or set you up for failure, they understand that you might face a lot of rejection in this world, and they want to be a source of encouragement for you.

When you date someone who believes in you, you are with someone who doesn’t just look at you as a partner explicitly linked to themselves, but as a whole person capable of standing and achieving things on their own. They look at you as someone who is capable of so much more than most of the world can see, and they are grateful that they can stand by your side as you take on the things you desire to do in the world. They see your passions radiating through you and don’t find it intimidating, but incredibly attractive.

When it comes down to it, love is important in order for a relationship to function, but you should also date someone who believes in you too.

It’s important for you to know you can grow in your relationship without feeling held back by someone who just doesn’t see how capable you are in the things you strive to do.

Date someone who believes in you, simply because you shouldn’t be the only person who does.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

A, x (1)