The Only Way A Relationship Works The Second Time

The Only Way A Relationship Works The Second Time

Hello loves, ❤

Have you ever broken up with a partner for a short or even long period of time but then find yourself giving them another chance?

It will only work the second time if you trust the other person has changed. If you believe them when they say they are never going to hurt you again. If your head, and not just your heart, thinks getting back together is a good idea. If you have faith you can actually make things work this time around.

It will only work the second time if you fix the issues that caused the breakup in the first place. If you discuss what went wrong and figure out a way to move forward without repeating the mistakes of the past. If you are both willing to make alterations, because if you enter the same toxic relationship you were originally apart of, then it is going to end the same way.

It will only work the second time if you are willing to release the grudges you were holding for so long. If you are able to forgive each other — and mean it. If you both agree to leave the past in the past. If you never bring up ancient mistakes in arguments in order to make a point. If you focus on what you could build together in the future instead of who messed up in the past.

It will only work the second time if you are willing to admit your mistakes. If you are going to take responsibility for your actions. If you are going to say sorry for all the times you hurt them, even if it was unintentional. If you are going to act like adults.

It will only work the second time if you are serious about spending forever together. If you aren’t going to part ways at the first sign of trouble. If you decide that, this time, you are going to work as a team. You are going to stop viewing each other as competition and realize you are on the same side. You are going to fix your problems instead of running away from them.

It will only work the second time if you both want the same things from the future. If you can imagine making the relationship work for more than a few months. If you both agree on whether you want to be exclusive, whether you want to get married, and whether you want to have kids.

It will only work the second time if you are willing to give up your options and abandon the single life. If you are okay with the idea of commitment. If you are ready to settle down. If you are ready to give this other person everything they should have gotten from you in the beginning.

It will only work the second time if you were miserable without each other — for the right reasons. You weren’t miserable because you hated being single. You were miserable because they were your best friend, they were the highlight of your days, they were the best thing that ever happened to you and you hate yourself for letting them get away.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Be With The Right Person

on fire.

Hello loves, ❤

The worst relationship of your life will be with someone self-obsessed. Someone who only cares about themselves. Someone who never pays enough attention to you.

They are never going to pick up on your hints about what you want for your birthday. They are never going to remember your favorite songs or television shows. They are never going to have engaging conversations with you, because that would require actually hearing your side.

Never settle for someone who scrolls through their phone during ‘romantic’ dates instead of looking you in the eyes and listening to what you have to say.

Never settle for someone who nods their head when you are telling stories about your day but is secretly zoning out.

Never settle for someone who spends the entire conversation waiting for their turn to speak.

Never settle for someone who makes you repeat yourself three times before they absorb what you have been saying.

You deserve someone who is on the edge of their seat whenever you have something exciting to say. Someone who asks about your day the second you walk through the door. Someone who remembers the little things about you that you never even noticed.

The worst relationship of your life will be with someone who doesn’t listen because they don’t think what you are saying is important. Because the only problems that matter to them are their own problems. Because they don’t understand the give-and-take required in a healthy, loving relationship.

You should not feel like you are talking to a brick wall. You should not feel like your person only cares about your body, but not about your mind. You should not feel like you are being a bother every time you open your mouth to speak.

The right person for you will want to hear all your stories. Not just the ones that impact them in some way.

Even if they don’t really know anything about the topic you’re discussing, they will still be interested, because they will see how passionately you are speaking and will want to learn what made you that way. They will care about what you care about. They will treat your words with respect.

Not only will they listen to what you have to say, but they will remember it. They will remember your boss’ name. Remember your birthday. Remember the shoes you looked at for a little too long in the mall and clearly want to own.

The right person for you would rather talk to you about absolutely nothing than talk to anyone else about the most exciting adventures in the world. They would never grow bored of your stories.

The worst relationship of your life will be with someone who never listens — but the best relationship of your life will be with someone who really hears you.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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I Am Insecure

I Am Insecure

Hello loves, ❤

There are days when I refuse to leave the house because I am feeling insecure about the pimple on my cheek or the extra flab on my waist or the way my hair falls across my face. Days when I cannot stomach the thought of being seen in public, even during a quick trip to the grocery store, because there is the smallest possibility of running into someone I know.

Before leaving the bubble of my bedroom, I need a long time to get ready. That is why I never accept last minute plans. I need to know when we are leaving in advance so that I have time to shower and apply make-up and style my hair and psych myself up for socializing. I cannot just throw on a sweatshirt and leave the house the second a friend invites me out. I don’t have that kind of confidence.

I shake my head after receiving compliments because I only believe the mean things that are said about me. I check the scale constantly and look in the mirror nonstop, but never like what I see.

There are some rare occasions when I actually think I look decent and decide to take a picture, but then end up making myself miserable because I have trouble taking a good shot. I will snap twenty pictures, fifty pictures, one hundred pictures, and then delete all of them at once because I cannot find even one that I consider tolerable.

I have had breakdowns inside of dressing rooms when I failed to find an outfit that looked good on me. I have cried while staring into the mirror more times than I can count.

Lately, my insecurity has been getting in the way of living a fulfilling life. I have canceled plans because I didn’t want anyone to see me looking like such a mess. I have remained quiet in groups because I wanted to blend into the background. I have questioned every interaction, because whenever someone treats me nicely, I assume they must be playing some kind of prank on me since I am not worthy of their attention.

I know my mindset is screwed up. I want to gain confidence, but it’s difficult for me to walk into a room and hold my head high. I want to call myself beautiful, but I can’t stop myself from using ‘ugly‘ instead. I want to love myself, but I keep coming up with more and more reasons to hate myself.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Tough Love Reminders

Hello loves, ❤

Below are tough love reminders that sometimes we just need to hear/read.

1. It is not your responsibility to make people understand why they are wrong. Similarly to how you can’t help those who do not want to be helped, you can’t show someone a light they’re completely uninterested in seeing. Sometimes all you can do is accept they won’t see your side, and move on.

2. Sometimes, it’s your fault. You’ve misstepped, you’ve misspoken, you’ve crossed a line. If you think that you’re never the problem when the same problem keeps coming up, it’s time to look in a mirror for the common denominator.

3. If you have the ability to work a job you love or to take your time looking for one, you have a privilege 90% of people do not and never will. Being able to work in an industry or in a position that fulfills you or having the financial means to be selective when it comes to a job is a luxury. If you forget that, you need a serious reality check.

4. People are allowed to be wrong about you. People are allowed to judge you, make snap decisions about you, decide they don’t like you, and just generally have a negative impression of who you are. You can’t change this. And you shouldn’t spend your energy trying to.

5. Even people who you think you can trust are human and may let you down. People are just people. They are flawed and messy and at times unfortunate. They’re going to fuck up and they’re going to hurt you. And how you handle that says more about you than the pain they have had a hand in inflicting.

6. It’s healing when you accept that things end. Realizing that the world will still continue to fly through space and the tides will still change and snow will still fall in the mountains when things come to an end is really, really comforting in a strange way. Goodbyes are hard, but clinging to them after they’ve happened is making the situation intentionally harder.

7. Continuing to argue about something probably means you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re right, not other people. 99.9% of the time you are never going to change the mind of the other person in the argument. So if you find yourself so intensely and continually fighting the same fight, are you really trying to change other people’s minds? Or just convince yourself? Something to think about whenever you roll up your sleeves getting ready to be argumentative.

8. Being intentionally difficult is only going to hurt you in the long run. There is a difference between advocating for yourself and standing up for yourself, and being an impenetrable, uncompromising brick wall of a human being. And the thing, we all know when we’re being difficult. And being unbendable is, frankly, childish.

9. If they wanted to chase you, be with you, or just love you, they would. Hidden meanings do not exist. People are not as mysterious as you make them out to be in your head when you’re concocting an elaborate fantasy for your future RomCom. The only person inventing excuses for why someone isn’t with you is you. Because if they wanted to be with you, they just would be.

10. Self-control is a muscle you have to work at, just like everything else. Impulse control is something you learn, it’s not something you’re inherently born with the ability to put into practice. You have to work at self-control, you have to continuously exercise the skill of being able to maintain control over yourself and your actions. And guess what? You’re going to fuck up at it! But by practicing your ability to control yourself you’ll know after a day of messing up, you won’t mess up again tomorrow.

11. Asking for help and asking for people to just carry you are two very different things. There is a difference in speaking up when you need help or guidance and just expecting that other people will do the work for you. You will not be helpable if you’re not actionable in working at succeeding in whatever you need help with.

12. Believing that people owe you anything is misguided and a recipe for disappointment. No one owes you shit. Not a single thing.

13. Anytime you’re upset that someone has gossiped about you make sure you remember how many times you’ve done the same to them. People talk. It is human nature to talk about things and share information and a lot of the time, there’s absolutely nothing malicious about it. If you’re feeling sensitive and stung because you’ve heard someone mentioned you, check yourself. There’s not a chance in hell you’re innocent of never stepping foot on the gossip train. Not a chance in hell.

14. You have no right to judge people for making a choice that you wouldn’t have made. If they took a career you wouldn’t have, stayed in one you wouldn’t have, dated someone you wouldn’t have, turned down someone you wouldn’t have—your choice is irrelevant. People are going to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel about it. And your need to shout about how you would’ve done something differently or don’t “like” their choice gives a pretty good indication of your own level insecurity regarding your OWN choices.

15. It’s always better to be responsive than reactive. Anger and retaliation are easy. It’s easy to be angry. It’s easy to bite back. Being methodical with your response instead of jumping to the first conclusion you’ve come to is harder. It takes self-control and the ability to hit pause and really think. It takes the strength to stop and not allow yourself to get angry, or to at least not react while you are. Responsive > Reactive. Always.

16. Sometimes your hard work is still not going to be enough. You can pour your heart and soul into something, and it will go nowhere. You can work your ass off and still be overlooked. Sometimes timing is just not on your side and even though you’ve done the work, you’ve done your best, it’s still not going to work out the way that you want. That’s okay. Missing out on something or feeling like you’ve failed is part of the experience of being a person. It happens to literally everyone.

17. Constant irresponsibility is not a good look. In fact, it’s worrisome and a dangerous path to go down. You can only hurl yourself into a situation that you know isn’t good so many times before something really, really bad happens. Besides the actual like, concerning element, being an adult toddler is just so…honestly? It’s pathetic. Do you want people to be calling you pathetic? Probably not. So get your shit together. You and everyone around you will be grateful.

18. The only person who will really always be there for you, is you. People are going to leave, situations and circumstances are going to change. But the one constant, the one common denominator, the one thing that will always be there is you. So take care of yourself, learn about yourself, allow yourself to grow, even…idk…love yourself. The only person who will always have your back is you, so get yourself to a place where you can be the most effective and BEST friend you’ll ever need.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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