Break Out Of That Comfort Zone

Break Out Of That Comfort ZoneHello loves, ❤

We often adopt the notion that for change to be valid, it must always be grand. We burden ourselves with the expectation that we must turn our lives around overnight. We disregard the “little” things that we can do and instead choose to focus on the same go big or go home mentality that frankly keeps us stuck in our mundane ways more often than we care to admit.

Because breaking out of your comfort zone is not just making a drastic change and wishing for the best.

It’s freeing yourself from the rigid cognitive beliefs you hold about yourself and how your life is “supposed” to be lived. It’s gaining flexibility and becoming more open to the possibility that life is ultimately a series of endless ones.

 Sometimes, it’s as simple as realizing that there is nothing really comfortable about your “comfort zone” after all.

It’s accepting that comfort is just another name we give to the things that protect us from fear.

Settling for a career that doesn’t make us happy often stems from the fear of failing to find one that does.

Being afraid of getting hurt once again can persuade us to maintain our self-sabotaging habits that push away the chance of finding the people, places, or things we truly love.

Not pursuing our passions or dreams and choosing to opt for a half-lived life can even result from the fear of getting exactly what it is we want.

And while it is true that the only way to get over our fears is to face them; this transformation won’t happen overnight if we don’t first take the time to break out of our mental traps that convince us that finding freedom is an all or nothing matter.

So, do the “little” things because breaking out of your comfort zone and living your best life has everything to do with the small steps you take along the way. 

It’s saying yes to an invitation you would normally turn down or saying no to one that only ever fills you with unease.

It’s choosing to slow down when the world tells you to keep up; giving yourself time to make decisions instead of jumping into the next job opportunity or relationship that seems like the “most logical” choice.

It’s writing or singing or painting your heart out even if you have no intention to share your art; it’s creating for your sanity.

It’s practicing a little more honesty every day; not only with others but also with yourself.

It’s swallowing your pride and taking a risk on the feelings you want to cultivate rather than keeping it safe for those you’d rather do without.

It’s reflecting. Asking questions. Listening without needing to respond. Focusing on being happy in your presence alone.

It’s investing your time in creating blueprints instead of escape routes; because you can quit your job on a whim or book a 30-day cruise but the answer to obtaining true freedom and creating the life you’ve always wanted has resided within you all along.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Pure Love

PURELOVE

Hello loves, ❤

I wish for unshakable love ❤ A love that is pure, kind & supportive. Some points below when you know you have a pure love ❤

1. Every fight comes to an end. You rarely have repeated arguments, because as soon as a problem arises, you find a way to fix it. Neither of you gets into a habit of making the same mistake over and over again. You might mess up once or twice, but then you will promise to change, and actually follow through on that promise.

2. You are both putting in effort. You never feel neglected because your person does an equal amount. You take turns washing the dishes. Folding the laundry. Paying for dinner. It’s not a one-sided relationship by any means.

3. You aren’t obsessed with whensYou are never caught saying things like, “Everything will be okay when we have kids” or “We will be happier when we have more money.” You are happy right now. Not only in your daydreams. Not only when you’re picturing what could happen in the future.

4. You still act like you’re in the puppy love phase. Even though you have known each other for a long time, you still grab each other like two teenagers in love. You cannot keep your hands off each other. Your affection hasn’t reduced as you’ve aged.

5. You accept their shortcomings. You have seen all of their flaws, but they aren’t dealbreakers for you. Even if they never changed a single thing about themselves, you would be happy with their looks and personality. You like them exactly the way they are.

6. You have confidence in them. You trust them to stay loyal. You trust them to tell you the truth. You have complete faith in them, because they have never given you a reason to doubt them.

7. You talk positively about them, even when they aren’t around. You never complain to your friends about them. Whenever their name appears in conversation, it’s to brag about how happy you are and how much fun you had over the weekend. You rarely complain.

8. You cannot imagine dating anyone else. You never think about your other options. You know you are already with the right person. The person who fits you better than anyone.

9. You leave the past in the past. You aren’t still mad about something they did three years ago. You never bring up old errors to win arguments. You never hold grudges. You talk to them about how you are feeling and move on.

10. You’ve been through every emotion together. You have been by their side when a loved one died. When their career was in jeopardy. When their stress levels were high. You haven’t only seen them at their best. You have seen them at their absolute lowest and still stuck by them.

11. You are on the same page about your future together. You agree upon where you want to live in the future, whether you want to get married, and how many kids you want to have. You might not have originally agreed, but you were eventually able to come to a compromise that made you both happy so you wouldn’t end up living with resentments.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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I Am Insecure

I Am Insecure

Hello loves, ❤

There are days when I refuse to leave the house because I am feeling insecure about the pimple on my cheek or the extra flab on my waist or the way my hair falls across my face. Days when I cannot stomach the thought of being seen in public, even during a quick trip to the grocery store, because there is the smallest possibility of running into someone I know.

Before leaving the bubble of my bedroom, I need a long time to get ready. That is why I never accept last minute plans. I need to know when we are leaving in advance so that I have time to shower and apply make-up and style my hair and psych myself up for socializing. I cannot just throw on a sweatshirt and leave the house the second a friend invites me out. I don’t have that kind of confidence.

I shake my head after receiving compliments because I only believe the mean things that are said about me. I check the scale constantly and look in the mirror nonstop, but never like what I see.

There are some rare occasions when I actually think I look decent and decide to take a picture, but then end up making myself miserable because I have trouble taking a good shot. I will snap twenty pictures, fifty pictures, one hundred pictures, and then delete all of them at once because I cannot find even one that I consider tolerable.

I have had breakdowns inside of dressing rooms when I failed to find an outfit that looked good on me. I have cried while staring into the mirror more times than I can count.

Lately, my insecurity has been getting in the way of living a fulfilling life. I have canceled plans because I didn’t want anyone to see me looking like such a mess. I have remained quiet in groups because I wanted to blend into the background. I have questioned every interaction, because whenever someone treats me nicely, I assume they must be playing some kind of prank on me since I am not worthy of their attention.

I know my mindset is screwed up. I want to gain confidence, but it’s difficult for me to walk into a room and hold my head high. I want to call myself beautiful, but I can’t stop myself from using ‘ugly‘ instead. I want to love myself, but I keep coming up with more and more reasons to hate myself.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Treat Your Anxiety Like A Welcomed Guest

Treat Your Anxiety Like A Welcomed Guest

Hello loves, ❤

Anxiety for me is that skin-tightening, heart-racing, dizzy haze that floods your body and mind. Limbs feel as if they are melting into their corresponding bones, and your sense of body is lost. Your mind jumps from conclusion to conclusion until it is decided: This is the end of the world. It’s true; the small detail that you changed that morning has altered the fabric of the universe. This is anxiety.

Anxiety is a very normal response to stress and danger. It’s a form of energy, and it surges through us, either empowering us, readying us, or paralyzing us. Thoughts move while we are frozen, breath is hard to find, and lungs seem to collapse on them. Christ, why can’t we/you/I just calm down?

I feel this, too, and then I’m told to hold it. To hold the anxiety, give it a place to settle, to breathe. This made me very anxious, naturally. “Your anxiety is a gift,”I’m told. “A message, it’s asking you to look at something.” I sat with this new information for a while until anxiety itself—with all its little fast worrying hands—decoded and reconstructed it in my mind, and it goes a little something like this:

Anxiety is a series of communications with your limbic system, amygdala, and sympathetic nervous system giving you all the sensations and emotions that create our familiar foe or friend, anxiety. At times, these feelings, reactions, and thoughts can grow and consume you—until you are a breathless body of a panic attack. But why was the anxiety there in the first place?

I ask myself these things as it arises. Perhaps it wants to be heard. To finally be acknowledged. Perhaps it wants to know that it isn’t so bad. My advice:

Give it a place to settle when it arrives. Here, you can say, take this space in my chest. Yeah, you can settle right there near my heart. Like any guest—frequent as they may be—they like to feel welcomed. The natural reaction is to fear the anxiety itself, is to become anxious about the anxiety. Here, we want to greet the anxiety with compassion. “I shouldn’t be feeling this way” becomes “It’s okay to be feeling this way.”

As anxiety settles in, you can ask your guest if they are comfortable. (You, of course, might feel completely unsettled.) And after they are settled in and awkward introductions are over with, you can start introspection. What message is being sent?

I’m not talking about the small detail that set it off; I’m talking about the core issues. Anxiety can be considered as a message—or the messenger, if you will—of the core issue. Maybe you can’t find it. Maybe it is unclear—this is okay. Maybe all the anxiety wants in this moment is some simple recognition. “Yes, anxiety I see you, and I call you by your name.”

Your anxiety might grow, it might overwhelm. Like all agitated guests, it might get up from the place you gave it and overwhelm. This is okay—this entire exercise is a process. If you can couch your anxiety back in that welcomed spot, try to listen again. Try to tell your guest that you see them, and that it is okay to be here. On that note, try telling yourself that as well. It’s okay for your anxiety to be there.

It is uncomfortable, difficult, and exhausting, but your anxiety now is a guest—welcomed and calm. The effect of this exercise is to decrease the anxiety of the anxiety. To have the initial anxiety settle and swim in your system—to float. It speaks to you and occasionally asks for a glass of red, but it doesn’t overwhelm. It doesn’t separate mind from body and suck the air of your lungs. It keeps the panic attacks away and you at bay.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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