Things People With Anxiety Never Ever Want To Hear

Things People With Anxiety

Hello loves, ❤

Having a god support system is VITAL when dealing with anxiety, these people are your back bone. These people are the shelter from your storm 🙂 Make sure you choose your support system wisely.

Notice that the below are RED FLAGS for a bad support system & people that say:

 

1. Are you ok?

No. To be completely honest no. And you can not fix that so do not ask if I am ok because the answer is no. When an anxiety attack sets in, or a bad day hits, nothing can make you feel okay and what makes it worse is when someone who has no experience to what is going on thinks they can make you ok. Thank you for trying, that is so kind but you can not make me ok. Only I can and it is a lot harder then you will ever know.

2. Just take your pill.

As if the medication is a quick fix. Did you know it takes at least two weeks for a medication to kick in and if suffering from anxiety, it usually takes longer. And even when the medication does kick in, it;s not a fix.

Anxiety medication is simply a relief but not a total stop. If anxiety medication just stopped anxiety in total I think more people would be on it. However, it is not. It maintains the issue but does not fix it. Anxiety is not something that can be fixed. It is not a broken car part. It is part of our brain, body, and everyday life.

3. Just ignore it.

HAHA. Like that is even possible. Anxiety makes us see that little spot on our jeans or that little tear in our school paper and makes unable to ignore it. I don’t know about you, but ignoring it is not an option. If ignoring the voice in our heads was on option, I think we would ignore it.

4. Stay calm.

I genuinely think if someone says these two words to me they deserved to be slapped across the face. Staying calm is not possible when your heart is racing or you can not catch your breath.

We are way past staying calm at this point. Hearing these two words is like nails on the chalkboard. Staying calm is just not going to happen.

5. You are fine.

You certainly are not fine and you never will be. Every day is hard and people do not give you enough credit for that. You deserve credit for getting out of bed and doing a daily task that drives you nuts. You also deserve credit for not being able to leave your bed. For knowing yourself so well that you know if you take on the day you will physically and mentally break done.

People with anxiety are far from fine, but they know themselves better than anyone. People with anxiety are forced to trust their gut… something “normal” people fail to do. People with anxiety do not conform.

You are not fine and you never will be, but you will handle it and that is something you should be so proud of.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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I Need You To Love My Anxiety Too

native american proverb

Hello loves, ❤

Anxiety is such a big & touchy topic, not many people like to talk about it (& I respect that) However, being on wordpress for over 2 years, I have stepped out of my comfort zone & started talking about it more ❤

I need you to love every little bit of me, and I need you to understand that my anxiety is a big part of me.

I need you to love my anxiety and understand it is completely normal for me not to want to leave my house all day. I need you to be understanding and compassionate because little things affect me in a big way.

I need you to love my anxiety and understand that my apologies will come even when I do nothing wrong. I need you to understand that I am not being dramatic, but I make myself believe I am offending you or bothering you.

I need you to love my anxiety and understand that I will overanalyze every last bit of our conversations. I will mull over the tone of your voice, or wonder why the conversation came to an abrupt stop.

I need you to love my anxiety and understand that I will need reassurance that you will not leave one day. I also need you to understand that I am trying to trust you, but my first instinct is to doubt you.

I need you to love my anxiety and understand that I am not being irritable because I am upset with you. Most of the time, I don’t know why I am irritable, and I don’t know how to better my mood. I hope you do not take this personal.

I need you to love my anxiety and understand that I am not being emotional for no reason. My anxiety likes to trick me into worrying about many problems, mainly the illogical ones. At times it will feel as if I am drowning in my emotions, but at other times it will feel as if I am sitting in a desert, void of any feelings at all.

I need you to love my anxiety and understand that I will always think of myself as replaceable. I will look at you as the one star who shines the brightest, but I know you will never feel this same way. I will always assume there is someone more important than me, but it is something I will accept early on, I just hope you can accept it, too.

I need you to understand that I wish I could be easier for you to love, and I need you to learn to love my anxiety because I need to see that someone else could love all the bits of me, even the ones that I hate.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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Things You Should Know If Your Partner Has Anxiety

don't fear the

Hello loves, ❤

Does your partner have anxiety?

The below points are great little reminders for you keep on hand ❤

1. If you’re going to go to battle, know what you’re fighting against.

Anxiety is a battle between your mind and your mind, literally. And sometimes the battle can get heinous, especially when it steps outside of your mind and into your body as a panic attack. Anxiety and panic attacks do get better with time, but it is a condition that your partner lives with forever. Loving someone with anxiety can be difficult. You need to look within yourself and determine if this is something you are capable of doing. Don’t feel ashamed if you can’t, either. There are some things that people simply cannot handle.

2. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and you have to accept this.

Once a panic attack begins, there is nothing you can do to stop it. It has to run its course. With anxiety, there are ways to stop it, but again, sometimes your partner just has a bad day and can’t reach their methods and thought-stopping processes in time. I would encourage you to be supportive, patient, and loving during these episodes. Often times, people with anxiety can recognize when their thoughts are going dark, but at the same time, they may not be able to pull themselves out of it before the point of no return. Do not become frustrated because you cannot help. You help us the most by just being there.

3. Learn everything you can about your partner’s condition.

I cannot emphasize this enough. You will have a difficult time communicating with your partner if you cannot understand what anxiety is or what it feels like. Look up people talking about it, for example. Read everything you can about the condition. And even so, some people end up in counseling themselves to try to understand how to help themselves deal with their partner’s anxiety. If you make the effort to understand, your partner will appreciate it more than you know.

4. The worst thing you can do is shame us about our anxiety.

There isn’t a more horrible feeling in the world than someone telling us to “just get over it” or to “just relax.” These statements show a blatant misunderstanding of the nature of anxiety. Believe me, if it was that simple, we would have done it already. We know our anxiety makes everyone around us feel upset or frustrated about it, but if we could help it, we would. Would you tell a depressed person to just stop being sad?

5. We know how much of a burden our anxiety is, and we do not need a reminder.

This is not to say that you can never express frustration or anger about your partner’s anxiety, but there is a way to say it nicely and in as much of a loving way as possible. If you say it in a negative way, then you’ve triggered or increased the ever-present worries. Sometimes, in the moment, things slip out or aren’t meant to be said. But these are extremely damaging to us, like getting kicked when you’re down. If you want to speak about it, be as gentle as you can. And no, tough love doesn’t feel like love to us.

6. Having a backup plan will make your partner feel a little easier when out in public.

Anxiety and panic attacks wait for no one. These things can happen in public. Anxiety attacks when it wants and where it wants. What happens if you’re on a double date, for example, and your partner suddenly has an anxiety attack? Develop plans with your partner about what to do when these situations happen, like having a signal or key word to indicate that things are heading downhill, and an escape plan to get out of there just in case. This way, we don’t have to have anxiety about our anxiety, which can lead to said anxiety, if you followed me there.

7. Do not speak about your partner’s anxiety unless explicitly given permission to do so.

Mental illness is still very much stigmatized in our culture. We are seen as crazy nuts, or people who just let their mind run wild and don’t bother to control it. One of the more interesting judgments that have been passed upon me is that I have no reason to have anxiety, since I have a roof over my head and clothes to wear. I lack nothing, what is there to worry about?

Mental illness does not discriminate. The last thing I want is for your family and friends to pass judgment or alter their opinion of me because you told them about my anxiety, the exception being when it’s highly visible, such as a panic attack.

8. Sometimes you will be the trigger. Do not take this personally.

No, our anxiety will not magically skip over you just because we are dating you. If anything, being in a relationship adds to the anxiety. There are constant questions about how to reply to your text message asking what we are doing, what happens if we upset you, what does our future look like, and so on. But do not blame yourself in these situations. Do not feel guilty about any anxiety or panic attacks that stem from you. Anxiety is something we have to live with and deal with, in all aspects of our life.

9. Managing anxiety takes time and practice. Patience is greatly appreciated.

While I cannot speak for everyone, I regularly attend therapy where I talk about my most recent anxious moments and learn about cognitive behavioral therapy, a set of techniques used to manage negative thought processes, the very foundation of anxiety itself. Therapy is difficult and challenging, because you have to repeatedly wrestle with your anxiety to learn how to win. We get a lot of homework from our counselors as well. It is hard to cope with failure because perfectionism is in our blood. Be supportive of your partner both when they progress and regress. All battles are easier when you can face them with a partner.

10. Never forget that we love you.

Sometimes anxiety can evolve into rage or depression. It’s a shape-shifter; it takes on a lot of different forms. But in the midst of a bad episode or a difficult time, do not forget that we love you, we care about you, and we appreciate you more than you know. We appreciate you for standing by us when we are at our worst. Our supporters motivate us to keep growing and changing when things seem impossible. And having someone there who genuinely is interested in your well-being and happiness makes the whole “managing” thing easier. Thank you for everything that you do. We love you.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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The Only Way A Relationship Works The Second Time

The Only Way A Relationship Works The Second Time

Hello loves, ❤

Have you ever broken up with a partner for a short or even long period of time but then find yourself giving them another chance?

It will only work the second time if you trust the other person has changed. If you believe them when they say they are never going to hurt you again. If your head, and not just your heart, thinks getting back together is a good idea. If you have faith you can actually make things work this time around.

It will only work the second time if you fix the issues that caused the breakup in the first place. If you discuss what went wrong and figure out a way to move forward without repeating the mistakes of the past. If you are both willing to make alterations, because if you enter the same toxic relationship you were originally apart of, then it is going to end the same way.

It will only work the second time if you are willing to release the grudges you were holding for so long. If you are able to forgive each other — and mean it. If you both agree to leave the past in the past. If you never bring up ancient mistakes in arguments in order to make a point. If you focus on what you could build together in the future instead of who messed up in the past.

It will only work the second time if you are willing to admit your mistakes. If you are going to take responsibility for your actions. If you are going to say sorry for all the times you hurt them, even if it was unintentional. If you are going to act like adults.

It will only work the second time if you are serious about spending forever together. If you aren’t going to part ways at the first sign of trouble. If you decide that, this time, you are going to work as a team. You are going to stop viewing each other as competition and realize you are on the same side. You are going to fix your problems instead of running away from them.

It will only work the second time if you both want the same things from the future. If you can imagine making the relationship work for more than a few months. If you both agree on whether you want to be exclusive, whether you want to get married, and whether you want to have kids.

It will only work the second time if you are willing to give up your options and abandon the single life. If you are okay with the idea of commitment. If you are ready to settle down. If you are ready to give this other person everything they should have gotten from you in the beginning.

It will only work the second time if you were miserable without each other — for the right reasons. You weren’t miserable because you hated being single. You were miserable because they were your best friend, they were the highlight of your days, they were the best thing that ever happened to you and you hate yourself for letting them get away.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

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