hello

Hello loves, ❤

Exhausted isn’t just enough to describe the state I am going through right now. I am exhausted yes, this tiredness is beyond physiological tiredness. It’s psychological, it’s emotional. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of trying to put on that smile on my face every day of a strong woman and be the Super Woman for anyone and everyone.

Suddenly I sit here, tight in the chest, feeling lost and unsure where to look for direction. I spent too long denying my own feelings and now I feel like I am the one who is unravelling.

I have written many articles about the Alpha woman: The strong, independent, self-sufficient woman. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? 

I never particularly set out to be this kind of woman, but life made me face my worst nightmares, I had to learn to become strong because no one was there for me through my struggles and tribulations, yet here I am, now I found myself worn-out and lost, wondering if someday someone would be there for me in all the ways I have been there for them.

I have always played the infallible woman role who seems to be able to do anything and everything.

When others look at me they see me as such. They see me as competent and able, but my soul is exhausted —while they see me sure-footed and steady—inside I am breaking.

I feel like I have spent my entire life trying to prove to myself that I am strong and being strong would be enough. I have spent so much of my energy setting such high expectations to be strong and shelving my own emotions that now I’m tired.

And now, it’s me who has become pale and worn out.

When you’re always the strong one, you usually suppress your desires, thoughts, and sometimes even how you feel. When you’re always the strong one, you’re very cautious about giving your problems to anyone else. You see that as laying a burden on the people you’re supposed to be supporting.

And the people who are usually so busy looking after others don’t always go around asking for help. But as the strong one you go through your own challenges, and it there can be times where you reach a breaking point.

Truth is it’s those of us that are the strongest end up needing someone the most. I see now that we all need someone who’s just a little bit stronger than we are. Yes I said the NEED word, the word that I ran from for so long because it seemed it had a negative connotation.

But I have come to the realization that is okay not to be strong all the time, I used to tell myself to not let anyone in or let them know of my struggles, I had the belief that those that are strong, they don’t feel like they have the space to have a weak moment. What if someone sees you bleed? What if someone see the tears you keep to yourself? What if someone hears the deepest dreams and desires in your life that you don’t always find the place or the time to talk about?

Now I have found myself exhausted from running from my need to be vulnerable. 

I long to be taken care of, not financially, but I want a strong arm around my shoulders, someone who can hold me down, no matter the storm I endured that day. I am independent economically, but I don’t wish to remain psychologically strong anymore. Yes, I desire to be caressed by someone.

There’s no wrong in craving for someone to hold you, to take care of you. It’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s not weakness. It’s rather a strength, we all need a “someone” to remind us that it’s okay to not be strong all the time. It’s the power of love.

And of course you can continue being strong for others. But make sure it’s coming out of a strength you’re going to be able to sustain.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

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55 Comments

  1. Several years back I owned and operated a commercial bakery. On the outside it was an overwhelming success, but a lot of the activity and responsibility rested on my shoulders. I was like you have been, strong for everyone but myself.

    One day I came to the bakery and my body just said “No more.” I lay in the supply room gasping for air for several hours even though I’d done no measurable activity.

    The whole thing changed me. I was trying to be a saviour to everyone, when I had just that and wasn’t utilizing it because I didn’t know what true faith could do. But I was sustained as that faith grew through the next several months as I shut the bakery down and sold it. No use dying over my success.

    Though there have been times when things have been tight since then, I’ve never lacked and never felt worn out like I did that day.

    Yeah, we do need a shoulder to lean on. Yeshua/Jesus is a good start. Hate to sound preachy, but that’s where I turned and He took care of everything, one miracle after another. I just had to let go, and doing that was hard since I was always the one everybody else leaned on.

    Nobody is going to blame you if you emotionally and physically back off and take it down a notch or two. It’s just smart. We have to love ourselves and take care of ourselves first. Not in a selfish way, but in a caring and believing in ourselves regardless way.

    There will be that special someone to put their arm around you eventually. Until then Anita, use what you’ve got. It is good enough. I wish you the best!

    Co

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really relate to this lately. I think it’s easy for us to see needing help as a weakness (myself included), but in reality, none of us can be strong all the time by ourselves. Thank you so much for showing that strength and vulnerability are not mutually exclusive characteristics.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much for sharing this.
    It’s so relatable to me too, I felt ashamed at my weakness now compared to the amazonian strength of my past and I hid from so many people so they wouldn’t be burdened by my pain.
    I almost felt that as I had always been so strong all my life, the weakness I feel now would crush anybody that came near me and I walked away from so many people.
    I had helped people in their journey towards recovery in the past and I began to feel a complete and utter fraud when I failed to find the strength to heal myself.
    It’s deprivating self talk that is part of my PTSD picture and i’m slowly learning that it’s okay for me to ignore this debilitating mindset and to look to others for help and uplifting.
    Blessing to you for having the courage to speak out xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve got felling that you described me from few years ago. So it is great to hear you realised that you don’t have to be a strong woman all the time. You can be vulnerable as much as you wish and have a bad days, sad days, crying days etc. Life is not about being perfect, life is about being human and being happy. And I believe that there is someone for everybody who become your shoulder when you need it! Take care and have a great day! 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  5. There is this magical word I know for when people constantly need my help and support but are never there when reciprocation is needed. It’s “No”. Seriously, if you keep exhausting yourself in order to give other people what they need or want, you aren’t helping them. You are enabling them to continue being takers. Lay some boundaries and some ground rules.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Every word you wrote … I could relate too and I feel the same on most days . Trust me my friend there are more of us around and you have company. It gets frustrating many times but I guess it’s our fate to stay strong.😊🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wonderful post and one I can completely relate to. I think sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to feel how we feel; fighting against that to feel strong is exhausting. Sending a virtual hug 🤗 x

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I related so much to this one Anita.. There are times where I just say I’m tired, and can’t do it anymore… Some lessons I have learned from this are: Trying to be strong all the time, although you think you bring people closer to you, since you support them, in the end, you just push people away, because you become tired of being their rock all the time… And also, you end up not being genuine and honest to the other person, since you reveal so little about yourself… Therefore, once again, you create a distance with others…

    I think the best thing we can learn to do it little by little learn to start opening up to others and start reveal the ‘dark’ sides we so much try to hide… Maybe the reason we hide them in the first place is because we don’t accept them completely ourselves. But, as Leonard Cohen has said, ‘there’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.’

    Liked by 2 people

  9. After all we all are humans…..
    Not machines…
    We all get tired continuously doing a particular thing.
    We all need rest. And the best place to rest is to lean on someone’s shoulder…….
    Great Content and topic… ❤❤👍👍👍….

    Liked by 2 people

  10. As a mom with chronic pain, you have described me perfectly. I appreciate these raw and vulnerable posts, they truly speak to my heart. It’s ok to feel worn out as long as they don’t wear you down. You’re not alone in your feelings fellow blogger friend that I can assure you! 🧡🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

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