Forgive, But Don't Forget

Hello loves, ❤

Forgiving someone is a BIG thing! It can be miscommunicated & the person can think it’s okay to do these tings again bc you forgive them so easily.

I believe forgiving someone can remove the burden from yourself however, I personally don’t forget. I don’t forget the way the person made me feel 😦

Below are some pointers on forgiving someone ❤

1. Stop actively trying to forgive them.

2. If it was just words that hurt you, figure out why you were triggered to fear they were true. That’s what you’re here to resolve.

3. Wish them joy and wellness – not because they deserve it, but because you don’t deserve to live with the burden of their mistakes forever.

4. Be the bigger person and try to imagine what wounds made them act the way they did.

5. Make a long list of the ways that you are a better person because you had to adapt in the face of adversity, and it made you wiser, stronger and more determined to build a better life for yourself.

6. If that person is no longer in your life, consider that their loss was not a punishment, rather, a form of protection.

7. Realize that people don’t always come into our lives to love us. Half of them come into our lives to show us to ourselves, to slowly make us into the people we need to be for the ones who will be with us forever.

8. Be honest about whether or not you contributed to whatever happened between you.

9. If you’re not responsible for any of it, accept that their actions are out of your control, but what you can change is how you respond to them.

10. If you are responsible for some part of it, forgive yourself, and watch your resentment toward them slowly disappear.

11. Stop trying to create a more just world by hanging onto your injustices. Showing the world how much pain you are in will not convince it to retract the circumstances it handed you and make them right. That part is up to you.

12. Stop thinking more about what you know you’ve lost as opposed to what you don’t yet know you will gain.

13. Consider that this type of hardship and struggle has impacted basically every single person ever alive and that though its commonality won’t ease the pain, remembering that you are not alone and that you are not the only person to ever go through this will.

14. When the world hurts you, do the thing that most people are not big enough to do and imagine how you can possibly contribute to making it better, rather than being a victim for the rest of your life.

15. Be still and let every wave of emotion pass over you. Let it cleanse you and then let it tell you what you need to do next.

16. Get better at speaking up for yourself. Tell someone when they are being rude. Tell someone when you’re upset. So much of our inability to forgive comes from our inability to correct the situation when we actually have the power to.

17. Get better at disconnecting. You don’t have to be friends with everyone, certainly not anyone who’s hurt you in any significant way.

18. Take all of the anger that is still coursing through you and channel it toward building a new life. Living well is not the best revenge, it’s the only revenge that’s worth anything.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

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37 Comments

  1. Hello! I think that forgiveness is a very great quality to develop. I have forgiven people in the past, but still held them accountable for how they made me feel. That’s not true forgiveness. Now, I forgive, pray for the other person, pray for myself to heal from the situation, and I move on. God has forgiven me too much for me to hold anyone accountable.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Two points really spoke to me:

    1) “Stop actively trying to forgive them.” YES. I didn’t understand this for a long time. I wanted to rush over the anger (which is part of the cycle of grief) and just skip straight to forgiveness. But it doesn’t work that way–at least it didn’t for me. Once I stopped actively trying to forgive and just let myself FEEL, I could move forward. And I landed at forgiveness almost effortlessly–after I’d been angry for a while.

    2) :”Stop trying to create a more just world by hanging onto your injustices. Showing the world how much pain you are in will not convince it to retract the circumstances it handed you and make them right. That part is up to you.” Oh, I wish I’d heard this in my 20s. I was a horrible hanger-on-to-things. The clinging made me so unhappy–and really I had no end-game. There isn’t some grand arbitrator that flies down to earth to correct injustices if you just hold onto them long enough. “That part is up to you”–I learned this in AA and have kept it with me ever since. It really changed my whole world.

    Great post.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I really love all the advice here, especially ‘speaking up for yourself’ (just because I find it hard). I do have just one question: if we don’t forget the emotions that we felt when another person has hurt us, have we truly forgiven them? Do we still harbor resentment towards them for the way that they made us feel? x

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I love that your first point was to stop actively trying to forgive them. I agree that everyone has the right to forgive and forget in their own time and it’s not something that needs to be rushed! I don’t forgive easily and I definitely never forget x

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I am still musing over the suggestions that you posted.

    Forgiving came easy for me, but I had to work at forgetting.

    The scriptures gave me great insight as to why I should forget about the wrongs done to me.

    Honestly, I avoided falling into a state of depression by learning to forgive and then forget.

    Keep posting. I am certain many folks out there are looking for help.

    And thank for liking and following my blog at https://hotfreight.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 3 people

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