My anxiety lies to me

Hello loves, ❤

Anxiety tells me people don’t want to stay but feel they have to out of a sense of obligation.

Anxiety tells me they wish they could leave but they are afraid of what it will do to me.

Anxiety tells me people aren’t choosing you, they just feel sorry for you.

Anxiety tells me my best friend might leave soon.

Anxiety tells me the only reason they are answering is because they’re polite.

Anxiety tells me everyone waiting for the right moment to exit with grace.

It tells me I’m a burden.

That I’m weird.

That I’m unwanted.

Unloved.

Crazy.

Anxiety tells me I need to keep apologizing.

Anxiety tells me I need to overcompensate so people have a reason to stay.

Anxiety tells me they aren’t answering because they don’t like me.

That they are deliberately ignoring me because of something I’ve done or said wrong.

Then anxiety reminds me of everything in the past that could apply to that scenario.

Anxiety tells me that one-word response is them hoping I go away.

So I pull away slightly.

Anxiety tells me when they really get to know me, they’re going to hate me.

Anxiety tries to teach me to hate myself.

Anxiety fixates upon my flaws saying if I were different maybe I’d be happier.

Anxiety tells me this is my fault.

Anxiety adds fuel to a fire that is self-doubt and criticism.

Anxiety tells me I’m not good enough.

Smart enough.

Pretty enough.

Normal enough.

Successful enough.

Anxiety tells me I’m going to fail.

That everything I’ve worked for I’m going to lose.

That everyone I love will leave.

Anxiety tells me the love I have to give is not enough.

Then I wake up the next day still tired trying to counter that voice that haunts me.

Anxiety reminds me of everything I’ve done wrong in my life.

Anxiety beats me up and punishes me for mistakes I can’t forgive myself for.

Anxiety does not let me just move on.

Anxiety tells me every worse case scenario will come true.

Every worst fear will come to life.

Anxiety makes me feel like I’m always waiting. And I don’t even know what I’m waiting for I’m just uneasy.

I’m always comparing myself to someone and falling short.

Anxiety tells me I’ll never be good enough.

So I try so incredibly hard.

And most people are impressed.

Everyone but me.

I’ll never be a good enough friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend.

Anxiety tells me I need to fix something that isn’t a problem but I make it one.

Anxiety makes living in the moment hard. I’m constantly dwelling on the past and afraid of the future.

Anxiety tells me to hate myself for this. And as I break down and cry alone for things I can’t understand, anxiety knocks me when I’m already on my knees saying I deserve this.

But then everyone once in a while I come across someone whose voice speaks louder than doubts and questioning that goes on in my head. Anxiety might tell me, they’re here because they feel bad. But then those people counter those thoughts with a hug, a kind word, a conversation. And I realize anxiety might be forever a part of your life but there are people who want to be too.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

Advertisements

32 Comments

  7. My depression/bipolar tells me the same things! It’s amazing how destructive that can be. It’s exhausting trying to counter all that negative/destructive stuff in my mind but if I don’t try I know it will destroy me. Thank you for writing this, I’m sorry you have to deal with it too but it lets others know they are not alone. That helps a lot. You do great work here in letting others know that they are not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  8. This. I love this so much. I’ve been struggling so hard lately. My anxiety just keeps getting worse and worse and when I reach out to people, no one understands what it’s like to have anxiety. Thank you for this post ❤

    -Amber

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Although anxiety can be deeply hated, and we end up resenting ourselves for having it or experiencing it; there is a bright side to it. It is not only that people want to stay too, but its also an incredibly huge door for self exploration, and growth. Imagine nourishing a deep and small voice in your head, one that can debate anxious thoughts and win. It is a process, a life long one, but the continuous outcome is healing, not just for yourself but for those who want to stay.
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  14. Pingback: This post kinda helped me reflect on what I’ve been dealing with lately… – andrewhoward

Let me know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s