relax

Hello loves, ❤

I spend a lot of time complaining about my anxiety—and why wouldn’t I?

Oftentimes, it’s the sole source of my problems, the real facilitator to every detrimental thought I’ve had and the catalyst to every questionable decision I’ve made.

Anxiety is a monster, not big and hulking, but quick and nimble. Unlike big brother Depression, who, burly and dim-witted, instills fear merely by lurking in a corner, anxiety is deft, cunning and calculating. Anxiety waits. It watches. It sees that you’ve been doing well, and it doesn’t like that. Anxiety slips in when you least expect it, wrapping its hand around your heart and squeezing so hard you’re certain it will burst.

At times, my anxiety is what holds me back from everything I’ve ever wanted to do and the possibility to live in the moment. My anxiety has the ability to rob me of my happiness, and, sly as it is, takes it before I even realize I had it to begin with.

Although I find my anxiety deceitful and conniving, I begrudgingly have to thank it, because, in some ways, it’s saved my otherwise lazy and unmotivated bottom.

Having anxiety is like having a crystal ball; through my anxiety-induced daydreams, I’ve seen all different versions of the future—most of which include working a dead-end job, spending nights on my mother’s couch anxiety-ridden—all neatly tied up with a bow called unhappiness.

Now, rationally speaking, I know that it’s highly unlikely that any of the future scenarios that I have concocted are likely to come true; I have aspirations for my future, and I’ve always worked hard to get what I wanted. My anxiety likes to punch rationale in the face, though, and pour its steaming hot lies down its throat.

My anxiety is what drives me; although deluded as those visions of the future may be, they scare me and motivate me to turn Netflix off and go back to studying. Anxiety bullies me into believing that I’m not good enough, and I make it my conscious effort to prove it wrong. My anxiety is what pulls me out of bed in the mornings to write, or to go to work, or to go to the gym. As terrible as it may make me feel, anxiety pushes me to finish the things it convinces me I can’t finish.

Anxiety has forced me to become more aware of myself, something I had always actively strayed from doing.

When I jump to grab an opportunity to try something new, I’m acting off the support from the small voice whispering in my ear, reminding me that I’ll regret letting my anxious thoughts keep me from positive experiences.

It’s who I am. Most mornings, I wake up anxious, and continue my day that way. Without my anxiety trying to ruin my life, who would I be?

It’s the worst thing in the world—don’t get me wrong, but I owe a lot of my success to it. I am successful at what I do because I actively try to prove my anxiety wrong, and in that way, I have to say thank you.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

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35 Comments

  1. “Anxiety bullies me into believing that I’m not good enough, and I make it my conscious effort to prove it wrong.” OMG this! 🙌🏼🙌🏼
    The upside of anxiety, you’re scared you’re not going to be good enough which leads to a lack of self-confidence which leads you to giving your 100%.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my, my anxiety is telling me to keep my mouth shut. I’m stepping out on a limb here to share my thoughts on your beliefs. I know all about anxiety and depression. It can take you down and change your mood, reasoning, idea’s, plans, and turn you upside down by one inkling of a negative thought. While I was reading your story I couldn’t help but think that your spirit is the one whispering to you to get it done, get up, push yourself. It’s hard to visualize a negative being positive. Does this make sense? The whispers are from the spiritual realm. We tend to think of spiritual as a heavenly angelic place where angels hang out. However, evil also takes up space in the spiritual realm. There is a war going on inside us every day about everything we think, say, or do, I’m not trying to change anyone’s beliefs. Our perceptions aren’t always our best friend. I’m just asking that you look at your story and all that you have conquered up to this point. You have overcome in the midst of being tormented by the wicked ones in spirit. John 10:10 says (NIV) 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Who is the thief? Those voices that lure you to become weak and overpower your mind and convinces you that you are not worthy. Who is, I have come? Jesus- Our spirit is real and communicates with the spiritual realm rather we want to believe that or not. I hope I haven’t offended anyone. That was my not my intentions. I’m not this Holy Rolly person that knows everything there is to know about religion, God, Jesus…I think differently which causes me anxiety. Polite comments on this thought are greatly appreciated.

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    1. Melinda, firstly I want to thank you so much for sharing such a lovely comment.

      I completely understand where you are coming from ❤

      I am happy you chose to speak your mind ❤
      I love that you felt strong enough to share what you wanted to say ❤

      Like

  3. I love this so much. For so long for me personally I believed my anxiety was an excuse. It’s not an excuse its a reason. A reason to push and motivate myself more, to do things my anxiety thinks I can’t. Lots of love your way. I have been so M.I.A and miss reading these. Uni for 2 more weeks and I’m done ! Woo

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Although having anxiety sucks balls the majority of the time, I have to agree, there are certain upsides. I feel like its given me the ability to smell BS on people a mile away, I never oversleep and am less likely to be involved in a catastrophic accident due to my finely tuned fight or flight response. Gotta look at the positives hey!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Omg, this just touched my soul! My therapist told me years ago, “anxiety has in fact saved your life”.
    Thank you so much for this! I would like to share your post! I hope that’s ok! 💜

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I agree. I wrote a blog post about the good side of anxiety. It sucks ass, do not get me wrong! But in my journey with suffering with anxiety, it has allowed me to truly listen to my body and be aware of my growth. Once you get your anxiety underway, it will teach you a lot of thing you never knew about your inner and outer self. Stay strong🌸

    Liked by 2 people

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