Tough Love Reminders

Hello loves, ❤

Below are tough love reminders that sometimes we just need to hear/read.

1. It is not your responsibility to make people understand why they are wrong. Similarly to how you can’t help those who do not want to be helped, you can’t show someone a light they’re completely uninterested in seeing. Sometimes all you can do is accept they won’t see your side, and move on.

2. Sometimes, it’s your fault. You’ve misstepped, you’ve misspoken, you’ve crossed a line. If you think that you’re never the problem when the same problem keeps coming up, it’s time to look in a mirror for the common denominator.

3. If you have the ability to work a job you love or to take your time looking for one, you have a privilege 90% of people do not and never will. Being able to work in an industry or in a position that fulfills you or having the financial means to be selective when it comes to a job is a luxury. If you forget that, you need a serious reality check.

4. People are allowed to be wrong about you. People are allowed to judge you, make snap decisions about you, decide they don’t like you, and just generally have a negative impression of who you are. You can’t change this. And you shouldn’t spend your energy trying to.

5. Even people who you think you can trust are human and may let you down. People are just people. They are flawed and messy and at times unfortunate. They’re going to fuck up and they’re going to hurt you. And how you handle that says more about you than the pain they have had a hand in inflicting.

6. It’s healing when you accept that things end. Realizing that the world will still continue to fly through space and the tides will still change and snow will still fall in the mountains when things come to an end is really, really comforting in a strange way. Goodbyes are hard, but clinging to them after they’ve happened is making the situation intentionally harder.

7. Continuing to argue about something probably means you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re right, not other people. 99.9% of the time you are never going to change the mind of the other person in the argument. So if you find yourself so intensely and continually fighting the same fight, are you really trying to change other people’s minds? Or just convince yourself? Something to think about whenever you roll up your sleeves getting ready to be argumentative.

8. Being intentionally difficult is only going to hurt you in the long run. There is a difference between advocating for yourself and standing up for yourself, and being an impenetrable, uncompromising brick wall of a human being. And the thing, we all know when we’re being difficult. And being unbendable is, frankly, childish.

9. If they wanted to chase you, be with you, or just love you, they would. Hidden meanings do not exist. People are not as mysterious as you make them out to be in your head when you’re concocting an elaborate fantasy for your future RomCom. The only person inventing excuses for why someone isn’t with you is you. Because if they wanted to be with you, they just would be.

10. Self-control is a muscle you have to work at, just like everything else. Impulse control is something you learn, it’s not something you’re inherently born with the ability to put into practice. You have to work at self-control, you have to continuously exercise the skill of being able to maintain control over yourself and your actions. And guess what? You’re going to fuck up at it! But by practicing your ability to control yourself you’ll know after a day of messing up, you won’t mess up again tomorrow.

11. Asking for help and asking for people to just carry you are two very different things. There is a difference in speaking up when you need help or guidance and just expecting that other people will do the work for you. You will not be helpable if you’re not actionable in working at succeeding in whatever you need help with.

12. Believing that people owe you anything is misguided and a recipe for disappointment. No one owes you shit. Not a single thing.

13. Anytime you’re upset that someone has gossiped about you make sure you remember how many times you’ve done the same to them. People talk. It is human nature to talk about things and share information and a lot of the time, there’s absolutely nothing malicious about it. If you’re feeling sensitive and stung because you’ve heard someone mentioned you, check yourself. There’s not a chance in hell you’re innocent of never stepping foot on the gossip train. Not a chance in hell.

14. You have no right to judge people for making a choice that you wouldn’t have made. If they took a career you wouldn’t have, stayed in one you wouldn’t have, dated someone you wouldn’t have, turned down someone you wouldn’t have—your choice is irrelevant. People are going to do what they want to do regardless of how you feel about it. And your need to shout about how you would’ve done something differently or don’t “like” their choice gives a pretty good indication of your own level insecurity regarding your OWN choices.

15. It’s always better to be responsive than reactive. Anger and retaliation are easy. It’s easy to be angry. It’s easy to bite back. Being methodical with your response instead of jumping to the first conclusion you’ve come to is harder. It takes self-control and the ability to hit pause and really think. It takes the strength to stop and not allow yourself to get angry, or to at least not react while you are. Responsive > Reactive. Always.

16. Sometimes your hard work is still not going to be enough. You can pour your heart and soul into something, and it will go nowhere. You can work your ass off and still be overlooked. Sometimes timing is just not on your side and even though you’ve done the work, you’ve done your best, it’s still not going to work out the way that you want. That’s okay. Missing out on something or feeling like you’ve failed is part of the experience of being a person. It happens to literally everyone.

17. Constant irresponsibility is not a good look. In fact, it’s worrisome and a dangerous path to go down. You can only hurl yourself into a situation that you know isn’t good so many times before something really, really bad happens. Besides the actual like, concerning element, being an adult toddler is just so…honestly? It’s pathetic. Do you want people to be calling you pathetic? Probably not. So get your shit together. You and everyone around you will be grateful.

18. The only person who will really always be there for you, is you. People are going to leave, situations and circumstances are going to change. But the one constant, the one common denominator, the one thing that will always be there is you. So take care of yourself, learn about yourself, allow yourself to grow, even…idk…love yourself. The only person who will always have your back is you, so get yourself to a place where you can be the most effective and BEST friend you’ll ever need.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤