Hello loves, ❤

I’m supposed to love myself, even if I’m single. Even if I keep getting my heart broken.

I wish I had more confidence in myself, but that’s not how my mind works. I am unsure. I am insecure. My self-worth wavers, depending on how you treat me on any given day.

When you compliment my hair or invite me over to your place or actually text me back without making me wait, I feel a surge of confidence. On those days, it’s easier to love myself.

The rest of the time — when you ignore my messages, don’t want to see me or don’t want to cuddle. I feel ugly. Stupid. Annoying.

The tiniest compliment from you can make my entire day. But the smallest slight can make my stomach drop and destroy my confidence.

You have the power to change my perception of myself. Your opinion of me impacts my opinion of myself.

When you hurt me, I can’t shrug it off. I can’t convince myself it’s no big deal. When you hurt me, I break down. I freak out. I feel insignificant. I feel inferior.

You might not mean to impact my self-esteem, but your actions have consequences. Either I’m excited about how well our conversation just went or I’m annoyed about how distant you have been acting.

There are some days when you boost my confidence, but most of the time, you make me feel like I am not enough. You make me feel like I have been doing something wrong. You make me feel like I am not worth your time.

I hate how much I care about whether or not you like me back. I hate how seeing your name pop up on my phone brings me butterflies and being ignored by you sinks my stomach. I hate having such strong feelings for you.

I know my self-worth is not supposed to depend on some boy. I am trying my hardest to appreciate myself, to love myself, to take good care of myself even if you fail to see my value. I am working my ass off to become a better, stronger person. A person who actually likes the girl staring back in the mirror.

But I would be lying if I said that your opinion doesn’t make a difference to me. It matters more than anyone else’s does. It matters so much more than it should.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

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66 Comments

  1. This use to be me while growing up and especially in high school; I was so dependent on other peoples views of me. Though my bf now will tell you that sometimes I still do care about attention, numbers on social media and being accepted — however it’s not nearly as bad as when I was a kid.

    I was super insecure. I was bullied a lot because I was skinny and I had no boobs (I’m 33 and they still never grew in but I could care less now) oh and my knees turn inwards that was one thing I was bullied about A LOT in color guard (we had to wear dresses during competition).

    Then I got married and over the 11 years my husband would tear me down saying I wasn’t that pretty or that I looked like a slob or that I wasn’t funny or interesting. When in reality he was jealous that it was easy for me to make friends, that so many people liked being around me for who I AM and because I was never fake. He couldn’t accept that despite the things he hated about me, people loved them and he wanted to take that away from me because he couldn’t have it for himself.

    It took a very very long time for me to love myself. For me to value my alone time. For me to realize I’m pretty fuckin awesome despite what other have said.

    I still have trouble thinking I’m strong even though my bf now reminds me all the time. And some mornings I have trouble thinking I’m pretty without a SnapChat filter. But I think moments like that are pretty normal, we are our own worst critic. But I broke out of needing others words to validate me and I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing for those that do but I’m saying that I knew it was holding me back and breaking free wasn’t easy but it was like a surge of relief.

    I love your blog and your thoughts (I’ve been following on stuckinthislife for a year? Two years? I can’t remember anything point anymore).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WOW! Thank you so much Hazel for taking the time to share your story.

      I am so sorry that you have had to go through it but I am also happy bc this has made you such A STRONG WOMAN!

      Good on you for being YOU! And, not any one else!

      Thank you for sharing that you’ve been following me for a long time ❤ I am so grateful for your love & support ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.”
    – Psalm 118:8
    “For the Lord shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.”
    – Proverbs 3:26
    “In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.”
    – Proverbs 14:26
    “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.”
    – Proverbs 25:19
    “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward.”
    – Hebrews 10:35
    “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ”
    – Philippians 1:6
    “I rejoice therefore that I have confidence in you in all things.”
    – 2 Corinthians 7:16
    ❤ Me and God have confidence in you! ❤
    ❤ You are MORE THAN ENOUGH! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I understand this feeling all too well. It is very hard when someone helps us through a rough patch to not rely on them for happiness and be hurt when they aren’t there later on. I am trying really hard to only rely on myself and trust I am enough. Hang in there girl …. we can both get through it! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  4. To begin, you’re an incredibly valuable person. Don’t let anyone say otherwise.

    But this is something you have to tell yourself primarily. I remember when I started dating my wife. For a while I became her identity. I had to stop her and tell her how valuable she was outside of me, and that she had to start accepting herself. It was miraculous when she began believing it. It has totally transformed her.

    It’s a truth, we need to love ourselves first. That is what the others will be attracted to. The value we project is the value that we will have in the eyes of those around us.

    So yeah, don’t be afraid to love yourself. That special someone will be there to fall into that energy.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. “You have the power to change my perception of myself. Your opinion of me impacts my opinion of myself.” We should give no one this power. I was this person not long ago… Maybe a year…Maybe even less. You can learn to love yourself. I believe you might even know how…

    Liked by 2 people

  6. This is so how I feel about things. I am always looking to other people to make me feel like I am good enough, funny, attractive etc etc. I know I need to find this from within myself, to love myself, to validate myself, But it is so difficult isn’t it? We have to believe that we can do this ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Oh how well I know this sentiment… It is such a fine balance between being independent and admitting you cannot exist without support. I also struggle with feelings of inadequacy and work hard to address these on my own but also open myself to others. The challenge there is the same as always… Struggling with what to do when those you open up to (often inadvertently) contribute to those feelings rather than relieve them, or worse, your deficiencies bring about pain in those you open up to…

    Liked by 2 people

  8. If it makes you feel any better, I struggle with this too. You’re not alone. Like you, I’m working my ass off to show myself that I’m worthy of love, no matter what anyone else says or does. It’s getting better, but I still have a long way to go. Thankfully, I have an amazing therapist that’s helping me. She helps me to see that other people’s negative actions are not signs of my self worth. Learning to love yourself no matter what is a process, but it will get easier. ☺💗

    Liked by 3 people

  9. It is true that your self-worth is not supposed to depend on some (any) boy and Self love is an ongoing process. This process starts with you, inside you. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. You are the first person who really needs to like the girl staring back in the mirror. See how wonderful person you are and the external world will show you back. Believe in yourself, believe in your soul beauty! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Your posts are so beautiful, I can relate to every one of them.
    This line here:
    Either I’m excited about how well our conversation just went or I’m annoyed about how distant you have been acting.
    I can understand the feeling when your whole world revolves around someone, even when we want to make it stop moving around.
    Let’s hope we can make it pass 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Your post breaks my heart. My self confidence is fragile like yours. I take things very personally. Feeling ignored is the worst. I keep ruminating on the past and what I could have, should have, would have done to make things better. But there is nothing in our power to stop other people from doing what they do, thinking what they think, and hurting us. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m playing victim by blaming “them” for the hurt and disappointment but rather, it is pointless to dwell on things that we can’t control like our past or our crappy genetics. I was single for 21 years and had never dated anyone. But then things changed like the flick of a switch. I started telling myself that I was good enough and that I do deserve someone who can tolerate my craziness. Once you can convince yourself that you CAN be with someone, better things will come your way. Chin up ❤️

    Liked by 4 people

      1. If you ever want to talk to me, I use email on an [almost] daily basis. hilary_harm_7@hotmail.com

        Something inside me snapped. Something had to change. At one particular moment, I remember having a meltdown and bawling my eyes outside the reception hall. I looked like a fool but I didn’t care. People were staring at me but I didn’t care that they were. My ego did not win that day. When you’ve reach your breaking point and finally snap, then you’ll be able to face your fears without fear holding you back, if that makes sense. Because at that point there is literally nothing to lose.

        Like

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