Hello loves ❤

I have never worn my heart on my sleeve. I am not the kind of person to walk up to a stranger and give my life story. I keep my secrets close to my chest. I cut myself off from society to protect myself.

It’s rare for me to open myself up to someone, because I am a skeptic. I expect the worst from others. I am afraid of spilling my deepest feelings to someone and having them walk away with the knowledge.

I keep to myself because life is easier that way. There are less risks. There is a smaller chance I will get my heart torn from its ribcage.

When I isolate myself, I don’t have to worry about being betrayed. I don’t have to wonder whether I am the one who cares more. There is less stress, because the only person I have to think about is myself.

I don’t mind being alone. Most of the time, I actually prefer separating myself.

That is why, if I actually open up to you, then you must mean something to me. You must be someone I feel like I can trust — and that does not happen often.

If I am willing to bear my soul to you, please do not take it for granted. Understand how difficult it is for me to be open and honest with someone who could leave at any time. Realize how rare it is for me to take a risk with my heart.

Please do not get mad at me for how slowly it takes me to open up to you. I need to take baby steps. Every time I am vulnerable with you, every time I give you the truth instead of pretending to be fine, you should be proud of me.

My instinct is to run when I develop strong feelings for someone. If I decide to let you into my world, I am going against my gut and following my heart.

If I actually open up to you, please be appreciative. Please be careful with the way you react. Don’t get angry at me when I tell you how I am feeling, because if you make me feel bad about being honest with you, then I am going to revert back to my old ways. I am going to push you away. I am never going to tell you my secrets again.

You need to understand how hard it is for me to reveal my authentic self, because I can’t shake the fear that I am going to get heartbroken in the end. I keep my feelings locked inside, because no one can hurt me if I hurt them first.

I have spent most of my life hiding from my emotions, so if I actually open up to you, then I must have strong feelings for you. I must care about you more than you think.

You must be someone I can imagine keeping around for a lifetime. Someone I do not want to lose.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

DYH Signature

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45 Comments

      1. ok, so, here it goes….I used to really dislike being alone. So much so that I would willfully hang around and enter into toxic relationships just to not be. Then I got clean. It was not “suggested” that I be alone or isolate. So, I didn’t. I did what was suggested. But, when i began to be judged moreso in the very same rooms where there was to be no judgment, I did what I had to do. I made my home and my room especially, my sanctuary! I have filled it with knowledge and books and music and paper, lots of paper, and other things that inspire me. It is my safe haven! There are no judgments here, or there, or anywhere with me as far as that is concerned! Before all this, it felt as if I sat in an empty nest while experiencing spiritual emptiness. I suffer from several mental illnesses that make being alone easy at times but seemingly impossible at others! I get ahead using the time that most waste and I am alone during a large portion of this. I have done many great things being alone, alone with my thoughts, in my own head! I often hear people say that they just wish they could get out of their heads when that is one of the safest places for me to be! I enjoy it there! Is it hard at times, yes, but no harder than living in active addiction was! I enjoy being alone to the point where I almost prefer it. It is hard to open up I agree! Finger pointing and shame and guilt used to hang around my neck like an anchor! I too have unplugged from society! That was hard! To unplug from social media that is! Spherically empirical antecedent accusations, assumptions, and presumptuous thinking breaking my heart while not even blinking! I actually just wrote more on this in my blog, the post is titled “a priori”. Being alone and not feeling anything is preferred for me over opening up and being cut wide and deep for doing so. I wouldn’t suggest it to a weaker person though and I say that humbly! Humans are an ugly species! Diseased and corrupt, full of greed and blame.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for such a lengthy response, here goes my reply ❤

        I completely understand where you are coming from with that – either entering toxic relationships or staying in toxic relationships bc you do not want to be alone.

        I a so happy to hear that now being alone has created a lot of positive things for you.

        Being alone is hard, but I think its how we look at it that is hard. Sometimes being alone is hard for me but if I look at it as 'me time' then the ball changes & I look at this differently.

        I am so happy that you have freed yourself from negativity ❤

        I will most certainly read about you this on the blog you've suggested 🙂

        I am so happy to hear you are heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

        Have you done a blog on your journey so far? I would love to read it ❤

        Like

  1. It is so difficult to open up, afraid of the consequence. I think when we realize, if they don’t like the whole Person, they are not accepting us as for who we are. In that case, they are not worthy of having your love and honesty. Better to know that now, than down the road. What’s not to love though? The right person will accept all of you. I hope this happens for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to be the same way and hold in my feelings until it actually was making me ill inside. It started when I was a kid, then worked it’s way up until adulthood. “Family Secrets & My Own” not good at all. It also formed its way into a deep depression and anxiety. When I got out of the hospital after having my breakdown, and suicide attempt, I swore that I wouldn’t hold back anymore. That’s how my whole blog began. I opened up and was myself for the first time, and what a freeing way to do so.
    You have to be comfortable with your decision to be open. Trust your gut instincts.
    Love ya, Hun! ((( Hugs )))) 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “Don’t get angry at me when I tell you how I am feeling, because if you make me feel bad about being honest with you, then I am going to revert back to my old ways”. This was me a few years ago. This is exactly how I felt. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

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