It’s easy to get into trouble fast if you can’t manage your anger. Knowing what makes you react quickly is the starting point. The second part is knowing how and when to leave which is what this blog is all about.

It’s called taking a time-out.  Most of us have used it with our kids but it’s very effective with adults!  It gives you a reason to remove yourself from the situation so that you can calm down.

Time-outs keep people safe. It’s not just leaving the situation, it’s how you leave that makes the difference. Here are the steps for an effective time-out.

 

Steps for time-out

  • Recognize your early signs of anger; rapid heart beat, sweating, feeling anxious, irritable, or confused, negative thinking, blaming others, smoking or using other substances to receive stress, etc.
  • Pay attention to what triggers you. Make a list of the situations that upset you. Not feeling heard, or feeling criticized are common triggers. It could be something specific that annoys you. Writing it out increase your awareness around your emotions.
  • Make a plan for each trigger. List each one and figure out ahead of time what you need. Take a walk, call a friend, listen to music, write in a journal are a few examples. Separating yourself is what makes the time-out most effective. Staying in the same room keeps the argument going.
  • Explain the time-out to your partner before using it. “When I start getting upset, I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back in 30 minutes.” If trust has been broken, your partner might react negatively. Don’t get defensive. Instead validate their point of view. Showing that you understand their upset even if you don’t agree is very effective.
  • Set up your time-out. Take no more than 20-30 minutes (to avoid it becoming leisure time) and choose a safe place to go. Leave the house if possible to avoid continuing the fight.

 

Additional tips:

  • Return at the agreed upon time. This builds trust.
  • Offer to resume the discussion if you both are ready to talk calmly.
  • When resuming the discussion, focus on your concerns and what you need.
  • Get support but don’t just fall into blame.
  • Avoid criticism. Stick to the facts.
  • If you need more time before talking it out, say so.
  • Avoiding problems

 

Here’s one thing you don’t want to do. Don’t tell your partner they need a time-out. They’ll get defensive! Use the time-out for yourself. Even if you think they need one, don’t go there. If you set the example they may follow.

 

The benefits of time-out

Using time-outs keeps the argument from escalating. Instead time-out helps control your reactions. This can restore self-esteem and decrease stress.

It’s also great role-modeling for kids. Imagine if your parents used time-outs instead of screaming or hitting? How would that have changed your attitudes about anger?

Time-out is a powerful way to normalize anger and express feelings instead of blowing up. Anger doesn’t have to get out of control, you need to catch it early and make a plan to remove yourself.
Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

A, x (1)

Advertisements

31 Comments

  1. Thank you for any other wonderful article. Where else may just anyone get that kind of information in such an ideal method of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I’m on the search for such information.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You can definitely see your expertise in the paintings you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. All the time follow your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, awesome weblog format! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for? you made running a blog look easy. The full look of your website is excellent, let alone the content material!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m not certain the place you’re getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time finding out more or working out more. Thanks for fantastic information I used to be searching for this information for my mission.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am now not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I must spend a while studying more or figuring out more. Thanks for excellent info I used to be in search of this info for my mission.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”
    – Proverbs 25:28″
    “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.”
    – Proverbs 15:18
    “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
    – Proverbs 15:1

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Those are some excellent points. I do tend to fly off the handle. I’m going to write some things down so I can practise remaining calm. I am so bad at that, lucky for both of us, my husband deos a lot of things you suggest.

    Liked by 1 person

Let me know what you think...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s