Anxiety in Relationships

Anxiety tells you that something is inherently wrong with you daily.

How can you expect anyone else to understand you if I don’t even understand yourself? Society throws around the term “anxiety” as if it’s something we all share and must all learn how to overcome. What most people are generally dealing with is stress, not anxiety. Stress creeps into your life as a result of looming deadlines, problems that need addressed, and the constant state of busyness we all live in today. Stress usually ends once those stressors are addressed and handled. Anxiety is a constant state of worry that convinces you everything is going wrong. It overthinks, over questions, and over analyzes to the point that no productivity can be achieved.

When you have generalized anxiety, you wake up every day fighting a battle that people without anxiety will never understand. Some days are easier than others. It is especially exhausting in close relationships, especially for loved ones who don’t struggle with anxiety themselves. They become more like therapists than friends and your anxiety will tell you that they love you less because of it. In romantic relationships, the anxiety monster will always be ready to convince you that everything is going terrible.

Here are five lies anxiety will tell you about your relationship:

1. Anxiety tells you the entire relationship is one-sided. If you partner doesn’t reassure you regularly, you become convinced that they don’t care about you or the relationship at all. Most of the time, you are able to recognize that these thoughts must not be true. You’ll try to reassure yourself that your partner would not be dating you if they did not care about you deeply. Despite your best efforts, the racing thoughts continue.

2. Anxiety tells you that your partner isn’t interested in your life. It is normal for relationships to ebb and flow. For people with anxiety, the ebbs become debilitating. You start to question every text message, the frequency of phone calls, how many words of affection your partner is using or not using, etc. It is exhausting for you, so you know it must be exhausting for your partner. This will cause you more anxiety.

3. Anxiety tells you that you will never be deserving of happiness. In fact, when you feel overwhelming happiness in a relationship, you start bracing yourself for the next fight. You’ll start picking apart every conversation convinced that there must be some reason your partner is working so hard to appear happy. In reality, your partner has told you multiple times that you need to recognize it’s okay to be happy. The universe is not actually working against you.

4. Anxiety tells you that you will never find true love. Even if you’re in a healthy, happy relationship, anxiety tells you that it will most certainly end. It tells you that when it does end, it will definitely be all your fault and that you will be alone forever. You may even have pity parties for yourself thinking about the lifetime of loneliness definitely waiting ahead in your future.

5. Anxiety tells you the reason your  relationship will fail because of your anxiety. A loving partner will work to understand the source of your anxieties in relationships. If you are with someone who truly supports you, they will be patient with you as you work towards a secure bond with them. If not, you are better off if they leave. Some people are not equipped to deal with issues other than their own. If you are in a relationship with an unsupportive partner, while also dealing with anxiety, you have a recipe for disaster. Just remember, your anxiety does not define you. No matter how many lies anxiety tries to tell you, know that you are always deserving of love and happiness.

Wherever you are in the world, have a lovely day ❤

A, x (1)

131 thoughts on “Anxiety in Relationships

  1. Thank you so much for raising awareness om this important and much necessary topic on anxiety. Im diagnosed with both social anxiety and depression, its hard But i wont stop fighting it.

    I started Yoga when I was a teen and have never looked back, mindfulness is the best medicine for me to Get me back on my feet 💕

    Thank you for this! For manking an impact 💛

    Lovingkindness,
    Metta Yoga

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this post!! This is so very true for me and anyone who deals with anxiety. Everyone always tells me that I overthink, but of course I do; it’s hard not to with anxiety. However, even though we can’t prevent our thinking, we can always counteract it with facts and positivity. Cognitive Behavioral worksheets work well for channeling your negativity, and other methods of course, too. Thanks for Sharing. 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is so right. Currently going thru this feeling is devastating. Not sure what’s real or what to believe. My stupid brain or what I see. Have no one to talk to about it either. But this post helped me believe that I’m not the only one who feels this and every word is true. Is there a way I can control my pea brain ? So I can focus on my work as work is affecting too. No matter how much I fight I seems to fails at the end of the day. And the next morning I wake up with hope and as the sun sets the devils is out.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Very interesting read. Anxiety robs you of peace. Its hard to build any relationship with a high emotion envolved. Your details are emotionally clear. Hope you are free of the relationship that may have caused these emotions…if you are writing on your experience. Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. My relationship with my partner of 5 years became so difficult 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with Anxiety. Some days I feel like trying to keep a healthy relationship between us is the biggest thing I have to fight to do every day but it is also incredibly worth it as he has been so supportive and patient.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is nothing more better than a supportive partner – supportive partners are what help us through this dark storm we experience.
      I am so happy to hear that your partner is supportive.
      You will both get through this, I have faith.
      ❤ ❤

      Like

    1. Thank you for your comment – this is a big thing I am working on.
      Always thinking my partner doesn’t love me, doesn’t appreciate me, will fall out of love w/ me.
      I know that I need to accept that he is with me & if he didn’t want to he’d leave.
      It’s hard to train your brain to think differently.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This is a wonderful write-up on a topic that had to be discussed. Everyday there are so many people who deal with anxiety in their relationships and are not aware about how it should be dealt with. The bitter truth is, either you solve it or you should walk away. Never let anxiety be a third wheel in the relationship.

    I have written about my relationship experiences on my page Here’s My Story. request you to kindly go through my recent blog and let me know your thoughts: http://comeletsdiscuss.com/2017/08/28/when-i-questioned-my-wife/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have read the post & WOW! I think I’ll start by saying that.
      I do sound a lot like yourself always wanting to go through my partners phone.
      I like how you ended the blog by mentioning where do these thing get us?
      And, it’s true – where do these things get us?
      Wanting to know everything…
      All these things happened before us so it shouldn’t concern us.

      Like

  7. This is a lovely and well thought out post. I hope that with each day the layers of anxiety continue to wilt and in their place, may you construct totems of your strength, courage and identity. We all deserve to live and enjoy life without questioning whether we are worthy of love or seeking approval.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I needed to read this. I’ve had anxiety for years now and it really affects my relationships; especially, numbers one and two that you listed. Reminding myself that these are thoughts and not always truths is necessary.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. One thing I have learnt whilst being w/ my partner is that I am the BIGGEST overthinker! When I share w/ him how I feel or I try to guess what his thinking or where his going & what his doing, he’ll say ‘No Anita, you are far from that’
      I know I overthink!
      It’s a big thing that I am working on – it’s hard,m I have to admit.
      I have learnt more whilst being w/ him, he supports & motivates me to be calm.
      I think we just need to remember, our partners aren’t forced to stay + as much as we tink they don’t want to be with us… If they didn’t want to be w/ us, they would just up + leave, it’s s simple as that.
      However, my partner is here & chooses to be here so for that, I must accept that these are silly thoughts I am thinking.

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Can absolutely resonate with this. I believe I have ‘settled’ at times, because I don’t have a firm belief that anyone worthy will stick around because of my anxiety (and depression, and panic disorder… hahaha). Very good words here. x

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I have always wondered how many relationships I have actually ruined due to my anxiety convincing me it was all WRONG. However, I thank God every day for the past, including the lessons I have learned, because they all brought me to a place of peace. I am convinced that people with anxiety understand love the most!
    Thank you for sharing! Very courageous! 💙

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind words, bless your soul.
      My anxiety has gotten in the way of the relationship I am in – but I am working overtime to work on this to the best of my ability.
      I feel for my partner sometimes, he doesn’t deserve this at all.
      However, he has stuck by me through thick + thin & told me he will always stand by me, so to me I must know he DOES love me, bc if he didn’t he’d leave.
      I believe that as well – we know love the most!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow. Just wow. For many months, in fact over a year I have been aware, yet still denied that I have anxiety caused by a lot of hurt and betrayal in my life. Falling in love again woke up my anxiety and it grew and grew and took over. I am now much stronger, still struggling, but am stronger and have a clearer mind thanks to meditation and working on my health and fitness. This post has jumped inside my brain and listed all of the things I regularly feel about my relationship. I doubt everything, feeling my partner doesn’t care or do enough, I am lucky I can speak to him openly as he is aware of my struggles. And he is patient and explains what he does do, but I have become blind to, and I feel relieved that he is right and my anxiety is simply the darkness causing my thoughts. This post has helped me tenfold to see that also. And I feel knowing this, practicing gratitude and staying in control will get us all through those hard days.
    Thank you, really thank you for this post.
    I am now following and cannot wait to read more x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bless your kind hearted soul ❤
      Thank you for taking the time to comment, I truly appreciate that.
      it's hard for us to admit the things we do but good work, for admitting this.
      I like to think that 'if he didn't want to be with you, he wouldnt' its that simple.
      My partner isnt forced to be here + he can leave at any point + he doesnt which mean he does love me.
      I like to think this way ❤
      All the best on your journey with your partner ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Relationships are so difficult when you suffer with anxiety – this is so insightful. Trusting someone to love you when you struggle to love and trust yourself is never easy. Thank you for sharing! I’d love you to look at my blog, I’m very new to the blogging world!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you so much – he loves you and he’ll work through it with you. I know it’s hard to trust that you are loved but you are. xx

        Liked by 3 people

  13. There are times in my relationship where I feel like it is one sided. That maybe I shouldn’t be in it. I know this isn’t the case. But when I feel this way, it’s very powerful. I am on the road to changing this and it’s a shame that it can’t be a faster road. But I won’t get to where I need to be by rushing things. Thank you very much for your post. It was a great read.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. This article as so eye opening. I wish I had read it before I dated a certain guy about 18 years ago who was so filled with anxiety that everything I did made him paranoid. Now I have struggled with anxiety too, but nothing like until after I went out of my way to try to make him happy “for his sake”. Getting inside his head got into mine. That was a very long miserable year. Praying God gives you both HIS peace of mind.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Well the guy I was talking about was extremely narcissistic, so much that he did not want me to tell ANYone else if I had a headache. He said it reflected on him looking like either he gave it to me or wasn’t good enough to keep me from having one. You are nothing like that! You are very caring and understanding of your own anxiety.

        Liked by 3 people

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