I can admit (oh boy, can I admit) I am very hot-heated. I overthink EVERYTHING! It isn’t a good thing as it damages relationships around me.

I’ve come up with the top 10 rules for fair fighting – as these are something I most certainly need to work on.

Unfortunately, I do not have a filter – I say exactly what I think as soon as it comes into my head (which is most certainly not a good thing)

I say silly things & regret them after.

  1. No name calling
  2. No interrupting
  3. No blaming or accusations
  4. No cussing
  5. No yelling
  6. No sarcasm
  7. No defensiveness
  8. No generalizations
  9. No physical nor emotional violence or threats
  10. No falling asleep with an unresolved disagreement

I personally know that the above are things I need to work on, let me know your thoughts on what can also help me to when it comes to disagreements and/or arguments w/ loved ones.

Working on myself at the moment has never been such an important thing to me, this is my number 1 priority now.

A, x (1)

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12 Comments

      1. Honestly, my husband is very easy-going, he very rarely tells me no, because I don’t ask for much. We are best friends, and been together since we were 16 and 17 so we’ve learned a lot about how to handle conflict. That’s not to say we don’t disagree from time to time but very rarely does it turn into a “fight ” if you always agreed and always got along life would be boring

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it’s great you’re working on this! We’re imperfect and there’s always room for improvement. Arguments, especially with loved ones, takes a lot of patience, and it might take some time.

    I think it’s really important to BREATHE and LISTEN. I think this can help with most, if not all of the items on your list.

    Take a step back when someone is talking, even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying. I know it’s really difficult, I understand! But I think when we listen to the other person’s point of view, we give them a chance to get out their emotions, we avoid interrupting, and we let them finish their story. We also hear what they’re saying instead of focusing on what we want to say. We’re being unselfish and allowing them to open up.

    If you don’t agree with what they’re saying and you want to fire back, listening gives you time to breathe, to calm down, maybe scratch the cursing you were thinking about, and to carefully think about the points you want to make or carefully craft your response. By breathing you’re also controlling your body’s reaction (heart rate, maybe calming down any shaking, and physically cooling down). You might be able to think more clearly with a little more oxygen! You’re being proactive with your emotions and your thoughts rather than reactive.

    In regards to no falling asleep with unresolved business…even if it’s really late, 1 in the morning, I think reaching out to the person shows that you care about it, and you don’t want to go to bed mad or wake up mad. The worst that could happen is they yell at you for reaching out so late, but in that case you can stress / remind them how it’s crucial you work things out so you can both be at peace.

    And it’s even more than all of this. Whatever works for you…meditation, quiet time, reading, music. I’ve been reading the Bible start to finish as a little goal of mine, to understand the content and to reintroduce my morality. I’m not saying you have to do this of course! But I’ve found that it’s taught me so much patience and it’s really made me stop and think before I speak sometimes. It’s helped with my own thoughts and arguments. You just have to find a little something that will work for you, something you can be consistent with that will be beneficial for you as a whole and later help adjust your argument style.

    Good luck! 🙂

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    1. What a beautiful comment – thank you for taking the time to write all the above to me.
      I think breathing will really help me – I have no filter, so I am constantly not filtering what I am thinking & just blurt it out. I am most certainly going to take all your points on board & attempt to apply them to my life. Thank you once again, your beautiful comment does not go unnoticed ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Awesome, you’re very welcome! I started typing and I couldn’t stop haha It’s understandable. A filter is difficult sometimes! I hope some of that helps. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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