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1. Don’t wait for an apology.
There will be times you’ll need to forgive in spite of a weak apology & there will be other times that an apology isn’t offered. Choose to forgive because it benefits you.
2. Practice giving the benefit of the doubt.
Start with the belief that your spouse/friend/acquaintance had good intentions or at least that they did not intend to hurt you.
3. Be clear & kind about why you are hurt.
When you are truly hurt, you deserve the chance to be heard. But avoid blaming & criticizing language when you explain yourself.
4. Remember you are on the same team,
Forgiveness can be a win-win situation. Stay out of the trap of being at odds w/ your spouse/friend/acquaintance
5. Accept an apology when its offered.
You may need some time to internalize it, s don’t pressure yourself into acting like you are over it before you are. Forgive, but ask for some time to process our feelings if you need it.
6. Don’t dig up buried offences.
Nothing prevents healing like bringing up old wounds and remind your spouse/friend/acquaintance that you have not forgotten certain things. A good forgiver leave the past in the past.
7. Consider extending your own olive branch.
Even if you’re still feeling the sting to their offence, doing something nice for your spouse/friend/acquaintance can bridge the chasm between you just enough to help them know they are forgiven.
It can be so tough to forgive sometimes. I see I am not the only one to struggle with number six. It is often my biggest obstacle in achieving forgiveness and I know I need to work on it.
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It really can – forgiveness is one of the HARDEST things for me. (I still hold grudges from YEARS ago!) #6 is probably my biggest one! I am always bringing up past things, quick to put someone else down for something they have done in the past (especially my partner) I know for a fact I need to work on this.
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These are so so true. Especially bringing out past offences. Doesn’t help.
Good post. Thanks for sharing.
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Past offences – thats a big one for me! (I admit) I know it doesn’t help but another part of my brain kicks in when I am in this state of mind :O Thanks for your kind words 🙂
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N umber 6 is one I should work on, but in this season of my life I am trying to let go completely-of a 40 year nightmare that revolved around my narcissist, psychopath of a sister. I let her back in again and again. It was only in looking back that I realized she is dangerous, and I am having a very hard time forgiving her. She kept my beloved nieces and nephew from me for years, as punishment for getting sober. She contorted my relationship with my brother, who was my best friend until she got her ugly talons into him. Yes, I am having trouble forgiving her indeed.
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That does sound like a very hard task forgiving someone that has burnt you badly in the past. Forgiveness defines you, not others. By all means, you don’t need to FORGET what has happened bc you’ll remember that as you are scarred – but forgiving lifts a burden from your shoulders & encourages you to live a more care-free life. ❤
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That is great advice.
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Thank you 🙂 ❤
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Forgiving someone is not easy but we must do it because it is ourselves who become free once we let go of anger and pain.
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Couldn’t of said it better myself 😘 That is exactly right when we hold grudges we are the ones who suffer & we are the ones that carry the burden on our shoulders. When we forgive, the other doesn’t win but we do – for we live a more lightweighted lifestyle & don’t have anything weighing us down.
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I really needed these! I used to be very forgiving and calm, but recently I’ve become less forgiving and more of a hot head! Thank you! I’m definitely going to try and remember this for the future! x
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I sound a lot like you! 🙂 I use to be very forgiving as well – it seems as though my though pattern has changed over time. I am not saying I have conquered this bc I am far from it but I am slowly trying to learn from these. ❤
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Its definitely a lot harder to go from not forgiving to forgiving, than vice versa! Good luck! x
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Thank you + good luck to you also 😘❤️
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Thank you very much!! x
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Not sure why my other one deleted, but let me see if i can remember it-
Compared to your post earlier about self affirmations this one is much easier for me. I’m not one to stay angry, or hold a grudge. Forgiveness is easy for me, except for myself. I’m not good at that 😉
Let’s hope this one posts and stays
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Haha, all good 🙂 I just wasn’t sure if you deleted it bc you were unsure 🙂 I completely understand where you are coming from though. holding grudges weighs you down like crazzzzzy.
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This is so true and much needed for me.
I hold grudges and am terrible forgives. Thanks for sharing!
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I hold the biggest grudges! … For the longest time. The only person it hurts is ME! No one else – that is something I def need to work on.
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Exactly! It’s still so hard not to do though!
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I feel you there! It’s the hardest thing to do 😦
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One thing I’ve found difficult but have become better at – when someone gives you a compliment, accept it 😊
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I like this 🙂 I can never accept these things 🙂
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Nice post! Its true that we need to forgive, not just for their peace but for our own too.
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Thank you very much for your kind words – This is something that I am most certainly working on myself. I think it lifts a burden off our shoulders when we forgive – it’s less weight on our behalf.
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It does help and destress ourselves. I’m trying to work towards it too.
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All the best on working on yourself 🙂
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Thank you. Same to you. 😊 I hope to become a better person soon.
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Thank you – same to you 🙂 I pray to be a better/calmer person.
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